• Mostly_Gristle@lemmy.world
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    9 months ago

    One of my favorite Wikipedia articles of all time, which only existed briefly and is sadly long gone now, was the page for this video in which a gentleman narrated the events of the video in the most flowery and embroidered Victorian prose they could muster. It was a masterpiece, and I’m sad that it’s gone.

    • adam_y@lemmy.world
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      9 months ago

      This was the translation that appeared on Wikipedia. I remember a version that was more florid too… Must have been elsewhere.

      On a cool, clear night (typ­ic­al to South­ern Cali­for­nia) War­ren G travels through his neigh­bour­hood, search­ing for women with whom he might ini­ti­ate sexu­al inter­course. He has chosen to engage in this pur­suit alone.

      Nate Dogg, hav­ing just arrived in Long Beach, seeks War­ren. On his way to find War­ren, Nate passes a car full of women who are excited to see him. Regard­less, he insists to the women that there is no cause for excitement.

      War­ren makes a left turn at 21st Street and Lewis Ave, where he sees a group of young men enjoy­ing a game of dice togeth­er. He parks his car and greets them. He is excited to find people to play with, but to his chag­rin, he dis­cov­ers they intend to relieve him of his mater­i­al pos­ses­sions. Once the hope­ful rob­bers reveal their fire­arms, War­ren real­izes he is in a less than favour­able predicament.

      Mean­while, Nate passes the women, as they are low on his list of pri­or­it­ies. His primary con­cern is loc­at­ing War­ren. After curtly cast­ing away the strum­pets (whose interest in Nate was such that they crashed their auto­mobile), he serendip­it­ously stumbles upon his friend, War­ren G, being held up by the young miscreants.

      War­ren, unaware that Nate is sur­repti­tiously observing the scene unfold, is in dis­be­lief that he’s being robbed. The per­pet­rat­ors have taken jew­ellery and a name brand design­er watch from War­ren, who is so incred­u­lous that he asks what else the rob­bers intend to steal. This is most likely a rhet­or­ic­al question.

      Observing these unfor­tu­nate pro­ceed­ings, Nate real­izes that he may have to use his fire­arm to deliv­er his friend from harm.

      The ten­sion cres­cendos as the rob­bers point their guns to Warren’s head. War­ren senses the grav­ity of his situ­ation. He can­not believe the events unfold­ing could hap­pen in his own neigh­bour­hood. As he ima­gines him­self in a fant­ast­ic­al escape, he catches a glimpse of his friend, Nate.

      Nate has sev­en­teen cart­ridges to expend (six­teen resid­ing in the pistol’s magazine, with a sol­it­ary round placed in the cham­ber and ready to be fired) on the group of rob­bers, and he uses many of them. After­wards, he gen­er­ously shares the cred­it for neut­ral­ising the situ­ation with War­ren, though it is clear that Nate did all of the dif­fi­cult work. Put­ting con­grat­u­la­tions aside, Nate quickly reminds him­self that he has com­mit­ted mul­tiple hom­icides to save War­ren before let­ting his friend know that there are females nearby if he wishes to for­nic­ate with them.

      War­ren recalls that it was the prom­ise of cop­u­la­tion that coaxed him away from his pre­vi­ous activ­it­ies, and is thank­ful that Nate knows a way to sat­is­fy these urges.

      Nate quickly finds the women who earli­er crashed their car on Nate’s account. He remarks to one that he is fond of her phys­ic­al appeal. The woman, impressed by Nate’s singing abil­ity, asks that he and War­ren allow her and her friends to share trans­port­a­tion. Soon, both friends are driv­ing with auto­mo­biles full of women to the East Side Motel, pre­sum­ably to con­sum­mate their flir­ta­tion in an orgy.

      The third verse is more expos­it­ory, with War­ren and Nate explain­ing their G Funk music­al style. Nate dis­plays his bravado by claim­ing that indi­vidu­als with equi­val­ent know­ledge could not even attempt to approach his level of lyr­ic­al mas­tery. He also notes that if any third party smokes as he does, they would find them­selves in a state of intox­ic­a­tion daily (from Nate’s oth­er works, it can be inferred that the sub­stance ref­er­enced is marijuana). Nate con­cludes his delin­eation of the night by issu­ing a vague threat to “busters,” sug­gest­ing that he and War­ren will fur­ther “reg­u­late” any poten­tial incid­ents in the future (pre­sum­ably by enga­ging their enemies with small arms fire).