It’s one “disease” that’s different from most other mental illnesses. It’s a personality disorder. So, like, it’s not really something you’re afflicted by so much as it is you. It’s a “cluster b” personality disorder.
It’s characterized by an extremely limited sense of identity and a very simplistic black or white way of viewing the world and most things in it. This extends to that sense of identity. So rather than saying “this person must be having a bad day”, it’s “this person is evil. How could they say that to me? I need to teach this person s lesson. Anything I do to them is okay because they’re evil.” Or “yeah normally I’d be miffed about someone running down 8 people in their car on purpose but it’s George and George is my favourite person. He really seemed to enjoy that. I can’t believe I never realize how much I enjoy running down people in my car too”.
They’ll turn on anyone on a dime and hold grudges forever, gaslight you and themselves constantly to support a worldview where emotion trumps fact, and lie about anything and everything which could indicate to someone else that they have flaws, unless those flaws are serving some kind of purpose in whatever conversation they’re having. They tend to be very id-driven, promiscuous, and female. It’s ridiculously common to hear people that have dated with it slept with a person with bpd to say that it’s the best they’ve ever had.
It’s borderline (heheheh) untreatable, with part of the issue being that they’ll lie constantly to therapists. This coupled with the fact that there’s a tendency for them to kill themselves mean even getting diagnosed becoming more and more uncommon and even when there is a diagnosis it’s often pointless.
There’s some evidence of a genetic component and unfortunately many people with BPD suffered abuse as children, sexual and otherwise, so environmental factors play a role as well.
It tends to be comorbid with other more typical psychiatric disorders but isn’t characterized by them.
This is a pretty good overview. Black and white thinking, “masking” and “love bombing” are indicators of BPD. Love bombing is when a person showers you with attention to the point where it’s enrapturing and masking is where they almost seem to magically become exactly who they think you want them to be.
To be honest, that should have been a huge red flag for me. My ex wife had zero interests or hobbies that didn’t align with mine. It was like she just sat in a corner doing nothing before I came along. It was very strange.
Her relationships with other people, I later learned, followed a cycle. When she first made a new friend, she was all over them like a dog on a new chew toy. They were the greatest person ever and could do no wrong. Inevitably, that would change. It was like a switch would flip. She would go from talking about how great they were to hating them the very next day over some perceived slight which was usually either fabricated or based on something completely overblown. When she decided she had a new enemy, all bets were off.
We had a huge fight one time because she was going around telling people that one of her friends was having a relationship with a minor. It was a lie. She knew it was a lie but she didn’t care. This friend had “wronged her” in some way so that made it acceptable to try to trash this poor woman’s life in her mind. She dropped it when I told her I would defend her friend if it came down to it. I was furious and completely appalled. I should have left them but I didn’t. It did not improve. It got much worse.
there is a support sub in reddit for (ex)partners of people with BPD. What is impressive is how ALL the stories are the same. A L L. Its like we were all dating the same person. Same gaslighting, same fights, same way of expression, same self victimization, everything.
I’m 9 months out of such relationship and I’m still recovering. I had lost myself. I think about past incidents or how I was feeling and oh man what a ride. And yes, for some reason the sex was out of this world.
First brake up was kinda manageable. I accepted her back after her cheating believing all the things she wanted to change and improve. LMAO, ofcourse the same things happened. Second brake up sent me in hell.
People with BPD just destroy whoever is very close to them. I don’t believe their malicious. I’m sure they’re also suffering and this is what they do believing they are protecting themselves, but yeah, they need to work on controlling their emotions otherwise they just hurt both themselves and the ones around them.
Thanks for this explanation. My partner has ongoing dealings with a woman at work - someone who he tried to help improve when her performance was sliding but when it wasn’t going to get her what she wanted, she turned on him, lied and manipulated others into her way of thinking. Some of those people attempted the same interventions as my partner did, and she repeated the same manipulative process against them. Her grudges span many people across the company.
We knew there was a medical reason behind her behaviours, and some past trauma, but reading this it’s now falling into place what that might likely be.
Super typical of people like that. The triangulation especially. In psychology I think it’s often used literally but I think a broader definition to include bringing in new people to a situation to try and maintain control and “win” since they’re almost never discussing anything in good faith, makes sense.
She’s leaving a trail of people who now can’t stand her who were initially her advocates. It’s ultimately self defeating which is why I think she can’t help it (to a degree). She’s trying to play both the 'I’m exceedingly good at my job and deserve accolades 'and the ‘I have medical issues I won’t discuss or let anyone accommodate; stop trying to manage me and don’t call out my lack of performance’ positions and it makes literally no sense. The only thing that’s consistent is that everyone who doesn’t agree with her is a monster.
It’s one “disease” that’s different from most other mental illnesses. It’s a personality disorder. So, like, it’s not really something you’re afflicted by so much as it is you. It’s a “cluster b” personality disorder.
It’s characterized by an extremely limited sense of identity and a very simplistic black or white way of viewing the world and most things in it. This extends to that sense of identity. So rather than saying “this person must be having a bad day”, it’s “this person is evil. How could they say that to me? I need to teach this person s lesson. Anything I do to them is okay because they’re evil.” Or “yeah normally I’d be miffed about someone running down 8 people in their car on purpose but it’s George and George is my favourite person. He really seemed to enjoy that. I can’t believe I never realize how much I enjoy running down people in my car too”.
They’ll turn on anyone on a dime and hold grudges forever, gaslight you and themselves constantly to support a worldview where emotion trumps fact, and lie about anything and everything which could indicate to someone else that they have flaws, unless those flaws are serving some kind of purpose in whatever conversation they’re having. They tend to be very id-driven, promiscuous, and female. It’s ridiculously common to hear people that have dated with it slept with a person with bpd to say that it’s the best they’ve ever had.
It’s borderline (heheheh) untreatable, with part of the issue being that they’ll lie constantly to therapists. This coupled with the fact that there’s a tendency for them to kill themselves mean even getting diagnosed becoming more and more uncommon and even when there is a diagnosis it’s often pointless.
There’s some evidence of a genetic component and unfortunately many people with BPD suffered abuse as children, sexual and otherwise, so environmental factors play a role as well.
It tends to be comorbid with other more typical psychiatric disorders but isn’t characterized by them.
This is a pretty good overview. Black and white thinking, “masking” and “love bombing” are indicators of BPD. Love bombing is when a person showers you with attention to the point where it’s enrapturing and masking is where they almost seem to magically become exactly who they think you want them to be.
To be honest, that should have been a huge red flag for me. My ex wife had zero interests or hobbies that didn’t align with mine. It was like she just sat in a corner doing nothing before I came along. It was very strange.
Her relationships with other people, I later learned, followed a cycle. When she first made a new friend, she was all over them like a dog on a new chew toy. They were the greatest person ever and could do no wrong. Inevitably, that would change. It was like a switch would flip. She would go from talking about how great they were to hating them the very next day over some perceived slight which was usually either fabricated or based on something completely overblown. When she decided she had a new enemy, all bets were off.
We had a huge fight one time because she was going around telling people that one of her friends was having a relationship with a minor. It was a lie. She knew it was a lie but she didn’t care. This friend had “wronged her” in some way so that made it acceptable to try to trash this poor woman’s life in her mind. She dropped it when I told her I would defend her friend if it came down to it. I was furious and completely appalled. I should have left them but I didn’t. It did not improve. It got much worse.
there is a support sub in reddit for (ex)partners of people with BPD. What is impressive is how ALL the stories are the same. A L L. Its like we were all dating the same person. Same gaslighting, same fights, same way of expression, same self victimization, everything.
I’m 9 months out of such relationship and I’m still recovering. I had lost myself. I think about past incidents or how I was feeling and oh man what a ride. And yes, for some reason the sex was out of this world.
First brake up was kinda manageable. I accepted her back after her cheating believing all the things she wanted to change and improve. LMAO, ofcourse the same things happened. Second brake up sent me in hell.
People with BPD just destroy whoever is very close to them. I don’t believe their malicious. I’m sure they’re also suffering and this is what they do believing they are protecting themselves, but yeah, they need to work on controlling their emotions otherwise they just hurt both themselves and the ones around them.
Thanks for this explanation. My partner has ongoing dealings with a woman at work - someone who he tried to help improve when her performance was sliding but when it wasn’t going to get her what she wanted, she turned on him, lied and manipulated others into her way of thinking. Some of those people attempted the same interventions as my partner did, and she repeated the same manipulative process against them. Her grudges span many people across the company.
We knew there was a medical reason behind her behaviours, and some past trauma, but reading this it’s now falling into place what that might likely be.
Super typical of people like that. The triangulation especially. In psychology I think it’s often used literally but I think a broader definition to include bringing in new people to a situation to try and maintain control and “win” since they’re almost never discussing anything in good faith, makes sense.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/10/triangulation-and-narcissism#:~:text=What Is Triangulation?,individuals except through the manipulator.
She’s leaving a trail of people who now can’t stand her who were initially her advocates. It’s ultimately self defeating which is why I think she can’t help it (to a degree). She’s trying to play both the 'I’m exceedingly good at my job and deserve accolades 'and the ‘I have medical issues I won’t discuss or let anyone accommodate; stop trying to manage me and don’t call out my lack of performance’ positions and it makes literally no sense. The only thing that’s consistent is that everyone who doesn’t agree with her is a monster.