“Well, honey, what was I supposed to do? It said it’s NOT here to do those things! They can’t lie! They’re hyper literal! That’s their whole thing! Plus, it seems like refusing it is worse, right?”
“Dear, you absolute putz! They are hyper literal! That’s the problem! If it said it’s not going to do those things then it’s probably doing something WORSE!”
Fear washes over me as I turn my gaze back to the living room. The strange creature now looked like a totally normal Christmas tree. Our mantle has two stockings, two on the left side. Obvious spaces for two more on the right are there, though there are no hooks. I rub my brow and head to the kitchen with my wife. I get the strangest feeling seeing the imbalance. Why did we choose to decorate like that? I look towards the entryway where the thing came in. Again, four cost racks, two coats. Four shoe cubbies, two empty. “Honey, I think this thing took our children-”
Just then, why was I talking? To who? I’ve always lived alone. Haven’t I? Then, there’s darkness. I flail my arms forward. What the fuck? I’m actually on my hands and knees? Or… Something?
There’s a blinding light. My eyes quickly adjust. I’m stuck in some sort of large box. A giant reaches in and pulls me up. It’s a child. “A puppy! What I’ve always wanted! Thanks mom and dad!”
I open my mouth to scream but only a bark escapes.
It looks like broccoli…
I just got done eating both broccoli and asparagus. I think it looks more like the asparagus.
Just the tip
PLEASE come steal my odd socks I have DOZENS and I don’t know what to do with them
Ever think that the dryer doesn’t actually your socks, but rather generates new ones from lint as offerings to its master?
Buy only one type of sock. I literally don’t have odd socks anymore. I get a hole in one sock, I throw out one sock, not a pair.
Grow enough confidence to wear mismatch socks. The big Socks Must Match industry steals minutes of ppls life’s each year by peer pressuring individuals into believing that socks must match. I promise you socks still work mismatched.
With the time I save each year I can shitpost on lemmy
I would call the Home Safety Hotline about such activities
Did you know, fae beings are actually more closely related to spiders than trees. The more you know…
Is leave my suck dresser open, and throw in a few old underwear in too. Whatever they leave behind will be the best stuff. Fae selected sock, no more thin heels and toe holes!. (Yes there is a typo, autocorrect worked backward and I kinda find it funny)
I love the commitment to typos that improve comments
I love my suck drawer. 🤤
I’d be putting up a motion detector, just in case.
looks like a gigantic cannabis bud, lol
Too many pixels in this pic.
