On the one hand, I’m convinced Marie Antoinette didn’t say or think like that.
On the other hand, I think there’s a good case to make that if her brother had come to Versailles and explained to Louis XVI how to fuck his sister four or five years before he actually did, the French Revolution wouldn’t have happened.
The short version of this story as I, an American nearing the bottom of his third Mint Julep of the evening, understands it, is the French–of all people–came up with a king that didn’t know how to use his penis. Letters from nobles at the time explain how he would stick it in, soak without moving for two minutes or so, and then “bid goodnight.” I mean, to be fair, they were like 15 on their wedding day. So Marie Antoinette’s life consisted of hanging around Versailles, a palace designed specifically to be an expensive place to hang around. She basically partied the French economy empty, like any teenage girl in her shoes would have. Eventually her brother, Joseph II, visited Versailles and apparently had to awkwardly explain to the young king what orgasms are, and eight months later Marie was pregnant with her first child. She significantly toned down the lavish lifestyle by then, but not after spending the country into an actual crisis.
It is my understanding that, later in life, Marie would show some frugality, doing away with expensive gifts for her children during famines and such. This happened when she was an adult, I think I must point out. Again, I am an American and thus indoctrinated against the very idea of royalty, but a flaw in absolute monarchy is that absolute power over foreign and domestic policy may land in the hands of a teenager who can’t figure out his crotch by himself, and the only thing standing between the nation and an empty treasury is one very specific teen pregnancy.
On the one hand, I’m convinced Marie Antoinette didn’t say or think like that.
On the other hand, I think there’s a good case to make that if her brother had come to Versailles and explained to Louis XVI how to fuck his sister four or five years before he actually did, the French Revolution wouldn’t have happened.
The short version of this story as I, an American nearing the bottom of his third Mint Julep of the evening, understands it, is the French–of all people–came up with a king that didn’t know how to use his penis. Letters from nobles at the time explain how he would stick it in, soak without moving for two minutes or so, and then “bid goodnight.” I mean, to be fair, they were like 15 on their wedding day. So Marie Antoinette’s life consisted of hanging around Versailles, a palace designed specifically to be an expensive place to hang around. She basically partied the French economy empty, like any teenage girl in her shoes would have. Eventually her brother, Joseph II, visited Versailles and apparently had to awkwardly explain to the young king what orgasms are, and eight months later Marie was pregnant with her first child. She significantly toned down the lavish lifestyle by then, but not after spending the country into an actual crisis.
It is my understanding that, later in life, Marie would show some frugality, doing away with expensive gifts for her children during famines and such. This happened when she was an adult, I think I must point out. Again, I am an American and thus indoctrinated against the very idea of royalty, but a flaw in absolute monarchy is that absolute power over foreign and domestic policy may land in the hands of a teenager who can’t figure out his crotch by himself, and the only thing standing between the nation and an empty treasury is one very specific teen pregnancy.
This story should be in the first chapter of every sex ed book. Why is sex ed important? Lack of sex ed literally ended a thousand year monarchy.