The Assman

I nicknamed mine Mike Johnson. I have erectile dysfunction.

My pixel 4 I bought used years ago is still fine

Mine is gardening. Cheap to start, gives you exercise, and ultimately pays you in food.

I’m not homolingual but I am spanish-curious

Shrimps is bugs

Member when you went to specific websites for specific content to amuse yourself, instead of trawling one of five garbage dumps to find something interesting to look at

GIANT TUBE WORMS

Basically the first time an artist heard about demons they drew one with his dick out

The toaster oven I just invented works much better than a traditional one. It reheats French fries perfectly, you can dehydrate in it, makes succulent roasted chicken, and about 2.5% of the time it burns down your house. You’ll always need to keep an eye on it to make sure that doesn’t happen. Remember though, much better than a traditional one.

the endless wagons of money from hyped up sponsors

For the record, that describes almost every big software company in the last 30 years.

deleted by creator

Looks at your car

“No more than a broken heirloom”

We switched from Kroger to a couple of international groceries. It’s hit and miss quality wise, but this way I’m only supporting at most a handful of greedy shitbags.

Holy shit this exactly skeleton is right in front of me and I have been putting it in weird poses to annoy my wife and child

You guys need to fire your script writer

You be nicer

Oops! All Gay

On the outside I’m relaxed. On the inside I’m bees.

You’re a printer, harry

What’s so funny about Biggus Dickus?