I’m not going to lie, sometimes I have fun in my car by just practicing various maniacal Joker laughs.

*crashes, car bursts into flames, driver climbs out of wreck and walks through fireball, is fine except that the waistband on his underwear melted to his skin, thereby prompting F1 to require special fireproof underwear for their drivers.

Perhaps you could get AMD to pay you $35 billion for the hypothetical potential of amusement later on.

We don’t boil our pancakes.

Madison Cawthorn? The gun-toting sex-pest who got caught driving without a license Madison Cawthorn?!

We’ll discuss Elrond’s muscle mommy fixation at a later time.

Those are awesome. It doesn’t quite reach those heights, but I was always fond of the opening theme from Ski or Die.

I’ll absolutely grant that hammering is a skill that can be improved upon and that a skilled hammerer is quite the thing to behold. I think of the times I’ve seen experienced blacksmiths banging away for hours with forearms that look like Popeye’s, barely breaking a sweat. So yes, there’s a skill tree to be developed.

That said… a lot of people seem to have an idea that using tools, or even more broadly the inherent strength of their own bodies, is somehow beyond their ability, and a lot of the time that’s just beginners’ jitters. Absent of a particular physical limitation, most people probably can learn how to effectively use a hammer (or a hand saw, or a screw gun, or a crow bar, or any number of useful items) within a couple minutes. It’s our collective mistake for teaching people that they haven’t got ready access to those skills and strengths.

Growing a moustache is pure genetic luck, and you can learn how to swing a hammer in about thirty seconds.

My grandmother’s will said “you can donate my body to the university, and if they don’t need it then I hear the state police can use it to train dogs to find corpses, and that’s good too.”

Oh my god, I wonder if the cow pooped in there during the shoot. I’ve seen cows poop for what seemed like a minute straight.

Good ad campaign, too.

Unihertz Jelly Star! I bought one solely to use as an mp3 player, but I got very close to it becoming my regular full-time phone.

Great, who’s going to go tell Richard Feynman?

But then I start to feel like

this guy, with the “real” camera and the phone camera, but the phone camera is the one I’ve most consistently got on me, because I can’t lug a whole additional piece of hardware around in a camera bag, meanwhile the phone camera pictures are grainy and shitty, and I’d just as soon have a Pixel in my pocket at all times that can take fairly good pictures at all times.

Camera is probably the first obstacle. I’ve got a kid, and I really want to have good documentation of her growing up. If there were a dumbphone with a legit camera, that’d be a big deal for me.

After that, probably maps is the next most important thing that I want an actual smart phone for. I remember getting my first smart phone, and probably the main thing I was excited about was always being able to navigate directly to where I wanted to go.

Almost everything else is tertiary to my needs.

This is good advice, but every so often I’ll screw up and put some grounds in before I think to tare the scale, so what I’ve done is put a little label on my French press that says how many grams it weighs when empty. That way, if I find myself in that situation, I can do the math of how much the press and grounds should all weigh together.