Crime is legal… to the degree that you are sufficiently connected.

🔲 - White

🔲 - Male

🔲 - Cis

🔲 - Hetero

🔲 - Christian (preferably conservative evangelical Protestant)

🔲 - Politically conservative

🔲 - Wealthy

The more of these you can check off, the more crimes are legal.

“For my friends, everything. For my enemies, the law.”

All-Despising Baby Skull

Boom! Big bada boom!

Not for nothing, but couldn’t this be used to have AI play a game for 80,000 simulated hours and flag all the bugs? Human playtesters are important and have value, but no human should have to do the work of criss-crossing an enormous game map thousands of times just to see if the character model gets stuck on a random vertex sticking out somewhere, and yet it seems to be a distressingly common occurrence in more than a few games I’ve played.

Weird Al, Mission Statement

It’s all just us, in here, together.

As much as I liked the “You didn’t kill Anakin Skywalker, I did” scene from the Obi-Wan show, it really makes Obi-Wan look like a proper fuckup for fully acknowledging that Anakin is dead and Vader is all that remains, and that Vader is an unrepentant murderous asshole who serves the Emperor, and still refusing to kill him and instead walking away.

Like, once on Mustaphar I can kind of get; it’s a highly emotional moment and all, and for all you know Anakin is going to roast to death in a couple of minutes anyway. But letting Vader live twice?! That’s just bad future-planning, man.

Ever seen the inside of an Aero bar?

I always figured that “digested over a thousand years” was a bit of a misnomer. I’m inclined to think that the almighty sarlacc incorporates its victims into its own biology, and uses them up over a thousand years. Like, you spend a thousand years as an unwilling gall bladder in the depths of the sarlacc, until the process very slowly eventually kills you.

Google photos is alarmingly good at object and individual recognition. It’ll probably be used by the droid war killbots to distinguish “robot” from “human with bucket on head.”

If I recall correctly, not all papers would give Sunday comics their full space, so Watterson had to write his Sunday comics in such a way that the first two panels could be removed and the comic would still make sense. This was just one of the many ways that he got sick of getting screwed over by newspaper syndicates, and led to his retirement. That said, it also shows what a genius he is, because while the first two panels add to the strip, they aren’t essential, and the rest of the strip is still funny without them. If newspaper comics had a Mount Rushmore, Watterson would be on it.

Nixon walked so that Reagan could run so that Dubya could do cartwheels so that Trump could shit himself all over the racecourse.

People are actually meant to be functionally immortal, but ghosts always catch up to us and make us die within about a century at most.

Okay, well I definitely wondered what the hell the star of Gremlins and Drop Dead Fred was getting up to.

Holy shit, I had no idea Raymond Cocteau was this before he was Raymond Cocteau. That’s total genius casting.

Comrade, I rented that movie from a locally-owned VHS rental shop that used physical membership cards.

Sure it’s a dystopia, but it’s a dystopia where they solved too many problems. John Spartan gets into a high speed car crash and his car instantly fills up with safety foam and he’s completely unharmed. The police force is ethnically and gender diverse. Guns are museum pieces. The cops don’t know HOW to assault somebody.

Sure they’ve killed a large amount of choice, and the guy in charge of it all seems to be determined to secure even more power for himself because of course he’s a sociopath with Mr. Rogers’ speech patterns, but all told I’d much rather live in the Demolition Man future than Judge Dredd or Death Race 2000.

If the three sea shells discourse isn’t a stand-in for 90s Americans’ anxiety about bidets then I don’t know what is.

When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy.

Proverbs 11:10