WadeTheWizard

Father, you promised me flesh.

Male nipples improve the aerodynamics of the chest, decreasing drag. While not noticeable in everyday life, it gave many persistence hunting a significant boost in performance, extending the hunter’s running range by several miles.

…Regrettably, I have failed in my mission… But perhaps you can keep the joint lit… There is an old saying in my family… Thou who art stoned, art chosen… In thine exodus from the couch, maketh pilgrimage to the Ancient Kitchen… When thou openeth the The Fridge of Munchis, the fate of the Stoned thou shalt know… Well, now you know… And I can die with hope in my heart… Oh, one more thing… Here, take this… A bag of Funyuns, an Stoner favourite…

I looked through a snake identification site and came up with this.
Northern ringneck snake