Uhm, it kinda happened for me, I felt that this girl liked me but she said no the first time. I stuck around, as we were in the same group of friends, and after a while she changed her mind. We’ve been together for over a decade.
There’s an entire genre of tiktok videos out there of women saying things like “So this guy I like asked me out, and I said no, and he was like okay bye and just walked away. What is with men not pursuing women anymore?”
Hmm what was that hashtag popular a few years ago? #nomeanskeepgoing?
“No means no” they said. Meanwhile in this very thread: “I’m actually in love with the guy that stalked me.”
If you want no to mean no, you have to say different things when you mean something other than no. If you want to play hard to get, A) don’t, you suck at it and B) maybe let him know that’s the game you’re playing so he’ll actually try hard to get you instead of just taking a flat rejection at face value; ie don’t just say “no” say “You’ll have to try harder than that” or something that indicates you are open to further attention. What saying “no” when you actually mean “try harder” accomplishes is you filter out the guys who take no for an answer leaving your dating pool only filled with the men who don’t really care that much about consent.
As for the “I turned him down becuase I wasn’t interested in him, then we actually talked and turned out I actually like the guy” story…I guess maybe try actually talking to guys? Even if you don’t cream your gusset at first sight?
Eh, well, people are varied, don’t make the mistake of grouping all behaviours together, if someone says no and then loses a chance, that’s their problem tbh.
Relations and relationships are difficult, so as always, tolerance and understanding are key… of course there’s context, “no means no” was used in the context of sexual intercourse, there’s not much room for interpretation there.
Kinda happened for me and I’m the girl in the situation! I had a guy who was creepily obsessed with me and would threaten to hurt himself all the time if he didn’t get his way. He even showed up at my house uninvited once and he always kept insisting we were dating. I kept telling him we were just friends at best, that’s it, but he’d freak out, insist we were lovers, and have a panic attack. Eventually he’d forget all about it and just pretend I never said anything.
I didn’t call the cops because I’m honestly afraid of the police more than him at this point. (The police in this town are as stupid as they are accusatory sadly)
It has a weirdly happy ending. Eventually I just lost all patience and gave him the number for a therapist. He actually went, he realized I was afraid of him.
My plan was to finally “Break up with him” for REAL this time after a therapist set him straight.
He broke down in tears realizing that he was never really my boyfriend, at first he called me heartless saying that it wasn’t fair that from his perspective I had punished him for seeking out therapy I told him to get.
After he calmed down we hung out for a bit, but… then we actually stared dating because it turned out that with his meds keeping him stable he’s actually a wonderful person that I get along well with and I actually DO love him. My family has even pretty much accepted him as part of the fold with my mother saying that it’s like she’s gained a son all of a sudden.
We just spent Halloween together and watched Fritz The Cat while high on shrooms and eating candy, being super lovey dovey with each other and talking about the 70’s…
Uhm, it kinda happened for me, I felt that this girl liked me but she said no the first time. I stuck around, as we were in the same group of friends, and after a while she changed her mind. We’ve been together for over a decade.
There’s an entire genre of tiktok videos out there of women saying things like “So this guy I like asked me out, and I said no, and he was like okay bye and just walked away. What is with men not pursuing women anymore?”
Hmm what was that hashtag popular a few years ago? #nomeanskeepgoing?
“No means no” they said. Meanwhile in this very thread: “I’m actually in love with the guy that stalked me.”
If you want no to mean no, you have to say different things when you mean something other than no. If you want to play hard to get, A) don’t, you suck at it and B) maybe let him know that’s the game you’re playing so he’ll actually try hard to get you instead of just taking a flat rejection at face value; ie don’t just say “no” say “You’ll have to try harder than that” or something that indicates you are open to further attention. What saying “no” when you actually mean “try harder” accomplishes is you filter out the guys who take no for an answer leaving your dating pool only filled with the men who don’t really care that much about consent.
As for the “I turned him down becuase I wasn’t interested in him, then we actually talked and turned out I actually like the guy” story…I guess maybe try actually talking to guys? Even if you don’t cream your gusset at first sight?
Eh, well, people are varied, don’t make the mistake of grouping all behaviours together, if someone says no and then loses a chance, that’s their problem tbh.
Relations and relationships are difficult, so as always, tolerance and understanding are key… of course there’s context, “no means no” was used in the context of sexual intercourse, there’s not much room for interpretation there.
Kinda happened for me and I’m the girl in the situation! I had a guy who was creepily obsessed with me and would threaten to hurt himself all the time if he didn’t get his way. He even showed up at my house uninvited once and he always kept insisting we were dating. I kept telling him we were just friends at best, that’s it, but he’d freak out, insist we were lovers, and have a panic attack. Eventually he’d forget all about it and just pretend I never said anything.
I didn’t call the cops because I’m honestly afraid of the police more than him at this point. (The police in this town are as stupid as they are accusatory sadly)
It has a weirdly happy ending. Eventually I just lost all patience and gave him the number for a therapist. He actually went, he realized I was afraid of him.
My plan was to finally “Break up with him” for REAL this time after a therapist set him straight.
He broke down in tears realizing that he was never really my boyfriend, at first he called me heartless saying that it wasn’t fair that from his perspective I had punished him for seeking out therapy I told him to get.
After he calmed down we hung out for a bit, but… then we actually stared dating because it turned out that with his meds keeping him stable he’s actually a wonderful person that I get along well with and I actually DO love him. My family has even pretty much accepted him as part of the fold with my mother saying that it’s like she’s gained a son all of a sudden.
We just spent Halloween together and watched Fritz The Cat while high on shrooms and eating candy, being super lovey dovey with each other and talking about the 70’s…
Life is strange.
I doubt it happens like this for most people.
It was the boombox outside her window that got her, wasn’t it? /s
I’m betting it was the weekly delivery of flowers with ‘anonymous’ notes that left no doubt who was sending them if a moment’s thought was used.
Actually it was watching Tank Girl together 🤷♂️
Fucking love Tank Girl