People that are good at reading emotions are wrong about the reason/cause a significant portion of the time. Like noticing someone is uncomfortable doesn’t make the reason for being uncomfortable obvious.
People misread social cues, emotional states, intent, incorrectly ascribe causality of these things, etc., all the time, every single day, constantly, for a wide array of reasons.
People with low self awareness or high overconfidence just don’t realize that they are.
You actually have to have a significant amount of humility in order to have “high eq”.
People who make an entire personality or significant personality trait out of their infallible ability to read people?
Who will outright tell people: “I know you better than you know you”?
Vast majority of the time, in the vast majority of contexts, such a person is a delusional manipulative narcissist, a cult leader / grifter scam artist type personality.
I definitively can back that up from personal experience. I tend to be quite good at detecting what emotional state people are in, but not why
Due to certain mental faults I tend to assume or believe that ita because of some error on my part, but that’s often not the case, and I’ve been wrong about it many many times. Assuming I did something wrong when in reality it was something else
Alcoholics also cause this around others. It’s why it’s called ‘the family disease’. Just cuz one person drinks doesnt mean everyone else around them doesnt get affected by it. And it doesn’t matter if they are a happy drunk. Tons of people recovering in alanon because of happy drunks in their life leaving behind the destruction of an illusion to get over and repiece together a functioning adult life.
Thats a good point, but in my defense, I’d argue thst an alcoholic just is a manipulative narcissist, a flavor of them, just with worse memory and coordination.
the action of being an addict is very selfish. And I have no doubt some alcoholics or other types of addicts are narcissistic. Often alcoholics are self medicating for another issue such as depression which might fit a different mental reason.
For our sake and purpose here : Results are the same. Still impacts the family just as much with a selfish action.
Just if we were to peel off from this and look at what drives them and how they might try to fix themselves might be a different approach cuz what they are masking can be various illnesses.
Maybe thats not quite the preferred nomenclature, but yes, its very much worth considering what drives people to addiction, how to potentially help them… but the flip side of that is that addicts tend to be various kinds of awful to the people around them.
You’d ideally need a holistic solution to the entire situation, but that’s often very difficult to pull off, in practice.
People that are good at reading emotions are wrong about the reason/cause a significant portion of the time. Like noticing someone is uncomfortable doesn’t make the reason for being uncomfortable obvious.
People misread social cues, emotional states, intent, incorrectly ascribe causality of these things, etc., all the time, every single day, constantly, for a wide array of reasons.
https://mindorigins.com/mind-reading-or-mammalian-instinct-why-we-misinterpret-social-cues/
People with low self awareness or high overconfidence just don’t realize that they are.
You actually have to have a significant amount of humility in order to have “high eq”.
People who make an entire personality or significant personality trait out of their infallible ability to read people?
Who will outright tell people: “I know you better than you know you”?
Vast majority of the time, in the vast majority of contexts, such a person is a delusional manipulative narcissist, a cult leader / grifter scam artist type personality.
I definitively can back that up from personal experience. I tend to be quite good at detecting what emotional state people are in, but not why
Due to certain mental faults I tend to assume or believe that ita because of some error on my part, but that’s often not the case, and I’ve been wrong about it many many times. Assuming I did something wrong when in reality it was something else
In one therapy there is this acronym called
QTIP.
Quit taking it personally.
Part of a ‘ten ways to untwist your thinking’
https://www.counselinglibrary.org/images/PDF_Documents/CBT_Handouts/10_Forms_of_Twisted_Thinking.pdf
Hey uh, that second paragraph?
I am not a psychologist, but:
unrequested unprofessional psych evaluation
Thats probably a sign of something like being raised by abusive narcissists.
Your natural instinct is ‘it has to be my fault’?
Yeah.
Because narcissists tell other people its always their fault, its their flaw or poor decision.
Its a form, or aspect or manifestation of hypervigilance.
Because you are so used to some new problem happening that is somehow, your fault or responsibility to fix, or address.
Alcoholics also cause this around others. It’s why it’s called ‘the family disease’. Just cuz one person drinks doesnt mean everyone else around them doesnt get affected by it. And it doesn’t matter if they are a happy drunk. Tons of people recovering in alanon because of happy drunks in their life leaving behind the destruction of an illusion to get over and repiece together a functioning adult life.
Alcoholics like to call this ‘charisma’.
Thats a good point, but in my defense, I’d argue thst an alcoholic just is a manipulative narcissist, a flavor of them, just with worse memory and coordination.
the action of being an addict is very selfish. And I have no doubt some alcoholics or other types of addicts are narcissistic. Often alcoholics are self medicating for another issue such as depression which might fit a different mental reason.
For our sake and purpose here : Results are the same. Still impacts the family just as much with a selfish action.
Just if we were to peel off from this and look at what drives them and how they might try to fix themselves might be a different approach cuz what they are masking can be various illnesses.
Thats a good point too.
Addict as victim vs Addict as victimizer.
Maybe thats not quite the preferred nomenclature, but yes, its very much worth considering what drives people to addiction, how to potentially help them… but the flip side of that is that addicts tend to be various kinds of awful to the people around them.
You’d ideally need a holistic solution to the entire situation, but that’s often very difficult to pull off, in practice.
I definitively suffer from hypervigilance, yeah, you’re correct lmao
Well the good news is:
That literally is not your fault.
You can learn to gradually undo some of those tendencies, to some extent.
My lemmy instance has a series of random… header quotes, like flavortext in a game loading screen or something.
One of them, which ironically seems to be an apocryphal, misattirubted quote, but is still a good sentiment nonetheless: