Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth jokingly said any surge in takeout deliveries to the Pentagon — a phenomenon that has accurately predicted the start of major geopolitical events — could be him ordering pizza “just to throw everybody off.”
Asked about the “Pentagon Pizza Report,” an account on X that tracks activity at local pizza joints near the U.S. military hub, Hegseth said he was aware of the account.
“I’ve thought of just ordering lots of pizza on random nights just to throw everybody off,” he said Sunday on Fox News. “Some Friday night when you see a bunch of Dominos orders, it might just be me on an app, throwing the whole system off so we keep everybody off balance. We look at every indicator.”
And what is he going to do with all of those “diversion” pizzas?
Seems like that could be a good way to feed the hungry in DC: order a large and semirandom number of pizzas to the Pentagon every night, then distribute them to homeless shelters; on nights when you’re planning or executing ops, just add to the order enough for your operation and pull them off of the pile before you redirect the rest to the shelters.
But the party of “lol your poor git gud” wouldn’t dream of such a thing. More likely they’ll toss them in the dumpster.
There was a tmnt toy back in the day that had a pizza cannon (I think it was the turtle van). I think tech might have caught up to that point by now to do it in real life.
Americans shouldn’t starve in such a wealthy nation, but there’s just not enough money here. Do not. Touch. The
defensewar budget. Such a shame, homeless veterans and all thatLoved the joke, and it gives me an idea that might actually make this work: rather than sending it to a random homeless shelter every day, send it to a veteran’s shelter.
That would do nothing to block the alleged information leak. You’d simply count the number of pizzas reaching homeless shelters instead, and if there’s a lower than normal amount, you know we’re gonna invade Iran. I mean, know it even harder.
It’s not to track via homeless shelters, the joke is that he’s willing to waste food as Americans face food concerns.
I know. And the joke is that it wouldn’t work for other reasons.
If you pull some random amount off the stack every day and store it to pass along on the next day, and build up a rolling reserve before pulling from that reserve for invasion day, you could hide that tell pretty effectively.
This is precisely how it should be done and how it would never be done because of their abject incompetence, the absurdity of the whole idea aside. :)