Halftime Donald Jesus Trump, nailed to the cross. Let’s make this happen! Or we can just read the Epstein files instead.
“I fucked up and got into a fight with the Pope. Here’s how I perform a grifter apology to the mouthbreathers who are just waiting for an excuse to forgive me.”
If there is a god in heaven : the very moment that treacherous, vile, child raping spawn of satan opens the book and speaks the first words in the verse : the lord on high will surely cause the orange faced blasphemer to burst into flames and be sucked back to hell from whence he came. And his minions and worshipers all shall perish from the face of the Earth for he is the beast they have so longed for, only to find that righteousness and fellowship were the only true paths, and by comitting hate and treachery and ignorant bigotry they too will join their golden pig as he’s sucked back to hell for his lifelong criminal treachery and evil doings.
I’d buy a ticket to see god stick his head through the roof and say “SHUT THE FUCK UP” right before blasting him with a lightning bolt or a pack of wild locusts or whatever gods blast people with these days.
It’s his constant unending apparently unstoppable line of BULLSHIT that spews from his child molesting, and possibly child-snuff-porn (and CANNIBALISM ??? say it ain’t so) lips. And he fucking sneers the whole time daring anyone to do something about it.
Sorry. I had to vent.
Please vent more.
a “return to the spiritual foundation that has shaped our country.”
You mean the pilgrims who left the religious rule of English kings?
And specifically baked separation of church and state into the Constitution because they didn’t want that never-ending European War Between the Christians to ruin the new place too, itself written in large part by a guy who was more spiritual than religious and who had zero patience for churches in national government?
We have a perfectly good Constitution, be nice if it wasn’t being shat on by a discount Burger King.
And then used religion to justify enslaving people? Same one
I can’t what for the treasure trove of memes this will breed.
All the christian porn. Keeps them warm at night .
Christian … porn … 😳
Now all i can imagine is poor Job getting literally fucked in the ass by the man.
Yeah, that’ll fix the economy.
Just like when Rick Perry urged Texans to pray for rain after he cut funding for fire services in Texas. Totally fixed it.
And when Rick perry cited an act of God for Deepwater Horizon
Fucking Rick Perry! Is he dead yet?
And while they’re doing that, I’ll be jerking off to porn that they’re trying to ban in this country.
Now where did my stupid flirty stepsister get off to now?
Fantasy and reality are one in the same for some. So is sanity and reality but that is a different tale.
Trump would probably fall asleep within the first passage. Sadly, he wouldn’t stay that way.
No…it gets into raping and racist shit pretty quick. He likes that part. Now when proverbs or psalms hits? Your boy is gonnnnnnnnnnne!
Trump can read?
There may be a new version for sale soon after with ‘corrections’, the orange trump bible, only costs 100% more than similar ones.
Then he’ll keep doing it to update it.
Nope, just going to draw doodles in sharpie.
Well nothing shows how religious you are like raping children in an island with your best buddy Epstein…
“Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me.”
- Literally Jesus
💦💦💦🤤
“I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.” Lapras 6:9
Pete Hegseth
And about a third of the way into his passage, Trump will start rambling on about himself, I guarantee it.
He’ll start with the droning, uninterested ‘something other than me’ voice as he begins the passage, then switch to the excited ‘it’s about me now’ voice to regail everyone with how wonderful he knows he is for a while, then maybe get back to finish the passage, if he can find it again.
Whole thing should take about two hours.
This is why they pre-recorded it. Trump would call sleepy joe and Barack HUSSEIN Obama!, satan before it was over.
Are they reading the entire thing cover to cover? Because lol there’s some fucked up shit in there
I’m sure they will gloss over or use a “new” version.
Desperate to win back their Christian voters.
Let’s hope they know what a bible actually looks like. They would read the Pulp Fiction movie script if you told them it was a bible.
win back
They never lost most of them
Shit on the Pope and pretty much everything Jesus advocated about, and read Bible verses performatively.
In the Bible, Jesus whooped some ass because of this, he flipped tables and chased people with a stick.
I believe Christ used a phrase for these people in Matthew…something like “whitewashed tombs”? “Which look beautiful on the outside, but inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean”? Is this ringing a bell for anyone?
No, “ringing a bell” is when you tie a bell to someone you accidentally buried alive. Nowadays, you could just use an Pi zero and Home Assistant.
Also, the Pulp Fiction reading Kegsbreath did, lol
Peter Kegsbreath, Secretary of the Department of Whores
To lazy to do it alive.
The federal is about to pump millions into buying this shit.
to lazy. you know how many takes its gonna be for him to manage to read one correctly.
He’s not gonna be reading a single line, the whole thing will be AI generated using his voice.
He might just die reading a Bible quote out loud. Don’t think he’s ever done it ever
Trump can even read the Bible upside down!
It’s
A
Bible
Taking bets on how far he gets before going off on a tangent about Sleepy Joe or one of his other greatest hits?
My bet is that Trump wouldn’t be able to read a single Bible verse off a teleprompter, much less from memory.
“And Jesus looked upon the people and said” you know, I’ve said a lot of great things. People say I can’t talk about how much better things than Jesus I’ve said, but a lot of people are saying it…
“And on the third day God separated the land and sea to create the continents and oceans. Some say he did a great job, I could do better, many have said it. He put the Strait of Hormuz in Iran, I wouldn’t have done that, bad move. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”
What about misreading something, and afterwards claim the Bible is wrong?
I’m sure there will be listings on the gross prediction markets.
The world is full of shit and Don jr. is still alive.
Imnot religious but I think it’d be hilarious if he spontaniously burst into flames after saying the book felt hot on camera. Then to see all the rubes out there post pray for Trump and try to convince the world that this guy isn’t some kind of demon from that escaped hell
