I have some prosopagnosia (face blindness), so this happens to me too much. Can cause a lot of social anxiety. And it’s made me look like a huge asshole sometimes when I’ve seen someone I know, outside of the usual context (at a grocery store instead of work). It’s a pain in my ass
I’m not sure if you’ve already heard this a bunch, but it needs said often for anyone who has this experience:
People without face blindness constantly struggle to recognize and remember faces. The idea that most people recognize anyone and everyone they’ve previously met (and remember their names!) is a complete myth.
I’ve gotten really good at remembering names and faces though practice and techniques like writing down everyone I meet in a notes app, and I still have like a 60% success rate on second encounters after more than a week.
My solution for the other 40%? If I’m not totally confident someone is new to me, I introduce myself with “Hi! Apologies, have we met?”
Works great.
It’s good to mention, because often people will say “I’m really bad at remembering faces too!”, and it has kinda stopped me from mentioning it to anyone who isn’t very close with me already
I was dating a girl once, and she cut her hair short after about a year into our relationship. She came to surprise me at work, and I just stared at her blankly, wondering what this “customer” wanted. Until she said “hello?”, and I immediately recognized her voice
I’ve come to understand that my brain just doesn’t process faces the same, I recognize traits instead (a natural way to cope). I can recognize people from how they walk better than most, but the face by itself doesn’t really trigger any recognition. Hard to explain, but it’s a little more pronounced than just being bad at remembering faces
“I told you I’d find you.”
It’s embarrassing for them, maybe. Why would it be embarrassing to you to not remember literally every person you’ve ever met? That’s an unreasonable expectation.
"You don’t remember me…? " implies the ego of the other person is stupidly inflated and that they are SO goddamned memorable that it’s implied you lost something by not remembering a brief interaction with them weeks, months, years ago. Sorry, but that’s total bullshit.
IRL, normal people don’t say that kind of shit and say “we met at the (whatever it was) a while ago.”
I had forgotten I met and had sex with the person who inspired the post.
Ok, but were they terrible in bed? Was this recently? Were you blasted at the time? Still perfectly reasonable.
I do not remember, I wasn’t drunk but I smoked a lot of weed back then. It was 5 year prior.
It’s a dick move to say something like that to someone else, especially in a public setting.
I developed prosopagnosia (face blindness) after a brain injury in the military. As a rule I try not to bring up my work history, but that phrase pisses me off enough that I’ll let myself break the rule under those circumstances.
I’ve had almost the opposite experience, also decently embarrassing for me.
Thought I recognized some one from a work trip, we shake hands and they said it was nice to meet me, I asked didn’t we meet at X a couple months ago?
Nope, that was their boss, I’m just bad with faces.Meh. I’m a popular person. I meet a lot of people in my supremely satisfying social life. I’m super dooper cool. You must not have made an impression.
Tell me about it, I have AuDHD and face blindness. You get used to being embarrassed.
“What did you drive?” usually throws them a bit. I can remember your car. I won’t remember you lol
I’ll remember their hair more than any other feature. All it takes it a hair cut sometimes and a person becomes a stranger.
“I have memory issues!” is true and generally people then apologize to me! As though they have me the memory issues!
I don’t think they did…
I don’t think so. When you reach a certain age, it’s incredibly difficult to remember everything. I work in marketing. I’m making a rough estimate, but I’ve shook hands with at least 100,000 people (across twenty years of business conferences).
If I made quite the impression on someone to say that, my response is to show delight and apologize! I usually start with, “Ah I’m very sorry! Please, remind me of the time and place?”
Regardless of how they answer, I usually pivot to expanding the conversation. Let’s talk about “the now”. How are they now? Are they enjoying the event/location? What’s new that might be of interest?
Yes working in sales this is near impossible. Meeting hundreds or thousands of people a year and then expecting to remember them again years later after having only met them once.
Who says “you don’t remember me do you?” Just tell them where you met.
Always start with “Nice to see you” not “Nice to meet you”. Saves insult from injury 100% of the time.
“I think we’ve met before, but my name is Sosa just in case.”
That also solves the problem of getting their name again. Though I will still forget it in about six microseconds.
Strong advice
There it is.
My answer to that is “have we slept together?”
Make them feel that forgettable!
Thought came about after meeting with a big group of old friends from college. One I wasn’t very close with had a new girlfriend. After we shook hands she asked if I remembered her. I didn’t but apparently we had gone on a tinder date 5ish years ago. I have zero recollection but I was doing a lot of tinder/hinge dates at that time. The guy uncomfortably told me several times throughout the night that its not a big deal and hes not mad. He was very clearly not happy about it and it was very clearly a big deal for him lol.
Ask him out on a date to even the scores.
Not a bad idea but he’s not really my type and a don’t think my lady would appreciate it anyway.
Please return with updates
“Are you someone worth remembering?” is probably more embarassing
I tam very forgiving of this stuff but I’m very honest and blunt. I’ve had someone say, “nice to meet you,” and I’ve had to respond, “we’ve met twice before.” If they seem flustered I’ll tell them it’s fine, it was brief, crowded, etc.
The weird thing is for me because my facial recognition is immaculate but memory isn’t always the best. So sometimes I see people and I know them but have no idea why. Did I see them at my public facing job? Did we go to college together? Is it a random person I passed in the grocers? 🤷♀️
