This is really a monumental societal change.

3rd spaces are nearly completely destroyed, and online seems to be the main option for ppl now.

  • Dessalines@lemmy.mlOP
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    1 day ago

    I’ve def met a few people like this. They have a few terrible dates on these sites, and it just stresses them out too much to even try again. Its really sad.

    • eldavi@lemmy.ml
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      3 hours ago

      i’m sort of like this and i don’t see it as sad.

      i was “married” (in quotes because it was illegal for me to be married at the time) and both internal and external stressors taught me that i got less significantly fulfillment out of the efforts & sacrifices necessary to maintain that long term relationship than i do now that i’ve been single for the last decade+; so i stopped stressing myself with the belief that i need to be partnered.

      it’s definitely sad if you get more out of being partnered than single, but i suspect that it’s not true of a significantly large number of people and that most are just taught to believe that they should be partnered and that, in turn, causes people to lament lacking partnership out of ignorance that they don’t really need it.

    • Asafum@feddit.nl
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      1 day ago

      10 years of online dating, 6 dates out of it. As a well below average guy I just gave up

      • Corridor8031@lemmy.ml
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        22 hours ago

        “a well below average guy” i think stuff like this is just made up, i dont believe in ratings and i dont think others should either tbh

        • Asafum@feddit.nl
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          19 hours ago

          Idk comparisons are a thing that can be done and I’m objectively worse than most people in most categories (looks, intelligence, earning potential, education, interests, etc…) so I consider myself “well below average” especially since choosing a person to potentially date does involve comparing them to your other “options.”

          • Corridor8031@lemmy.ml
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            14 hours ago

            since choosing a person to potentially date does involve comparing them to your other “options.”

            i mean if you choose a partner like you would choose a car, then i guess it is like this

            or actually even then it is not like this, like there is nothing objective for most categories.

            like you list interests as below average, what is this even supposed to mean lmao or intelligence like how would you even know that and for earning potential, there are like a lot more poor people than rich, beeing poor is the normal one lol

            even for education, like people can still know dtuff even if they dont go to university… Or know nothing if they went

            what i am saying is this sounds more like you just beeing unhappy with yourself if anything. Or if you are happy, then you are probably just not a good match anyway for someone that is like looking for a car.

            • EddoWagt@feddit.nl
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              11 hours ago

              (Not OP)
              I do get both your standpoints, its all subjective of course, so you can’t really be below average in interests or something like that, but you can definitely be below average in terms of commonalities with other people.

              I don’t know OP so I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or is indeed just unhappy with himself. But if your hobby is watching VR MyLittlePony porn you’re going to have a tougher time than if your hobby is cooking.

              Same for weight, if you’re 200kg it’s going to be harder, especially on dating apps.

              Money and intelligence I’m not so sure about, that probably matters less than he might think

        • Asafum@feddit.nl
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          19 hours ago

          I’m below average in most ways not just as far as attraction goes, but yeah my photos are never that great because I’m not attractive at all. I have had candid ones and funny ones, but I never got much traction. I live in an overpopulated area so this buffet table is brimming with options. I’m just that odd pizza at the Chinese buffet where you wonder why it’s being served lol