I actually did have a therapist offer to refund me once. I found her incredibly rude and she said things to me I found that were like negging and patronizing almost? I came away from each session feeling like she didn’t like me at all, and that we hadn’t done anything at all, like I was speaking into a void to someone who offered me exactly one piece of advice the whole time. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out if I just wasn’t getting something or was I just the asshole or what, and in the final session when I finally burst into tears because I felt so belittled and like she disliked me, I told her I could not continue with her because of this, that she had said almost NOTHING to me save for one sentence that I considered anything like therapy, and that I could not continue throwing a lot of money at this when I felt completely unsupported and unsafe, and I left. (Whether I was wrong or not we weren’t getting anywhere or jiving so there was no point). She left me a very patronizing voice mail where she snarkily apologized and offered to refund or refer me elsewhere. I did not return her call. Maybe it was a me problem, to this day I don’t know, but I had two therapists after that (one retired) and we got along just fine and made plenty of progress. I really don’t know. I am not going to not pay someone for their work regardless of what I think of the job they did as that’s not ethical, but that was several hundred dollars wasted.
I did have the faintest sense that the senior therapist in that practice didn’t think a lot of her either, as she walked into one of my sessions as we just had sat down to begin and said kind of coldly “May I talk to you?” to my therapist and they took off and talked for a bit, and she didn’t seem awfully happy when she returned (and she deducted that time from my session which amazed me). She isn’t there anymore according to their website. I really don’t know. I still feel awful when I think of her.
I’m sorry you had that experience, but glad that you continued trying and had better ones. There are definitely bad therapists, and more often it’s just a bad fit. The same way you’re not going to be friends with everyone, not every therapist can really work for you. It can take a few tries to find one that really clicks. I’ve met too many people who just gave up after one try, some after literally one session. Most were not anywhere near as bad as your experience. So give yourself a lot of credit that you kept trying even after that!
I wrote this out partially for anyone else who may be earlier in their mental health journey. If it’s not a good fit after a few sessions, you can ask for a referral or just stop and find someone else. A professional will not take offense. It’s pretty normal and an expected part of their job.
I actually did have a therapist offer to refund me once. I found her incredibly rude and she said things to me I found that were like negging and patronizing almost? I came away from each session feeling like she didn’t like me at all, and that we hadn’t done anything at all, like I was speaking into a void to someone who offered me exactly one piece of advice the whole time. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out if I just wasn’t getting something or was I just the asshole or what, and in the final session when I finally burst into tears because I felt so belittled and like she disliked me, I told her I could not continue with her because of this, that she had said almost NOTHING to me save for one sentence that I considered anything like therapy, and that I could not continue throwing a lot of money at this when I felt completely unsupported and unsafe, and I left. (Whether I was wrong or not we weren’t getting anywhere or jiving so there was no point). She left me a very patronizing voice mail where she snarkily apologized and offered to refund or refer me elsewhere. I did not return her call. Maybe it was a me problem, to this day I don’t know, but I had two therapists after that (one retired) and we got along just fine and made plenty of progress. I really don’t know. I am not going to not pay someone for their work regardless of what I think of the job they did as that’s not ethical, but that was several hundred dollars wasted.
I did have the faintest sense that the senior therapist in that practice didn’t think a lot of her either, as she walked into one of my sessions as we just had sat down to begin and said kind of coldly “May I talk to you?” to my therapist and they took off and talked for a bit, and she didn’t seem awfully happy when she returned (and she deducted that time from my session which amazed me). She isn’t there anymore according to their website. I really don’t know. I still feel awful when I think of her.
Just because people have a job, doesn’t mean they are good at that job.
For sure you need to have rapport with your therapist or it just isn’t gonna work. And sometimes people can just rub you the wrong way.
I’m sorry you had that experience, but glad that you continued trying and had better ones. There are definitely bad therapists, and more often it’s just a bad fit. The same way you’re not going to be friends with everyone, not every therapist can really work for you. It can take a few tries to find one that really clicks. I’ve met too many people who just gave up after one try, some after literally one session. Most were not anywhere near as bad as your experience. So give yourself a lot of credit that you kept trying even after that!
I wrote this out partially for anyone else who may be earlier in their mental health journey. If it’s not a good fit after a few sessions, you can ask for a referral or just stop and find someone else. A professional will not take offense. It’s pretty normal and an expected part of their job.
That’s terrible. That therapist needs therapy