Anyone Else? Can’t just me me, right?
Totally cant relate. I was home schooled by my mother who had also been a teacher for a few years before starting to have kids with my father. She is kind, gentle, beautiful and still a continuing inspiration in my life.
That is to say, no… I cant personally relate.
My aunt regularly interrogated me about my decision-making, schedule and personal relationships
Without realizing it, I fell into a habit of explaining myself to her. I lost a lot of autonomy. She strictly enforced the practice of getting her approval before doing anything.
I learned to hide things and sneak around her. It made her furious.
She learned to manipulate, lie and bully me into giving her what she wanted.
She was being selfish and intrusive and neither of us realized it. She considers herself to be a protector and provider, and cannot admit that sometimes she’s an abuser.
These days I don’t trust her with information or control. She calls me (and the other members of her immediate family) a “privacy hoarder”.
I’m very hurt, and I don’t plan on ever feeling better about it
I still haven’t decided when or if I’ll ever tell my mom about the ptsd she gave us. At this point, with the ways she’s changed over the years, I’m not confident she’ll listen or believe me.
I tried for years to decide that, and with therapy learned that was I doing it for her or me, and if for me does it really help? She’ll never change, so it does no good. Instead I keep her a healthy distance away. I still see her, but measured intervals.
I came to the same conclusion. I know how my mom reacts to news she doesn’t like - she defaults to denial. My memory has always been stronger than hers, so there’s no shortage of incidents that I remember, that she has long forgotten. (The tree remembers what the axe forgot, after all.) If I were to attempt to bring things up, she’d deny such things ever happened. Instead of me having catharsis and her having self-recognition, I’d be put in a defensive position and she’d say I’m exaggerating or making things up. Which is to say, attempting to have a serious talk with her always makes me feel worse.
Thankfully, I have siblings, and they remember what our childhood was like. We have all given up on trying to get our mom to see the light. Instead, we have a secret group chat where we can vent as needed.
Thankfully, I have siblings
I have a sibling too, even more toxic than my parents. Single-handedly caused my first Adverse Childhood Experience that I can still remember to this day, the fear, the loneliness…
Damn, a whole lotta folks with not the greatest childhoods.
I think I may have been luckier than I realized.
Because when you see a wooden spoon, it’s just a wooden spoon. When I see a wooden spoon, I see a weapon.
The day we figured out we could grab the spoon from her and break it was very liberating.
My mother has never properly apologized to me for anything in her life. She says she’s not the perfect mother but if you ask her about details of what she feels she did wrong, she will get angry. I honestly don’t talk to her anymore. Homophobic, racist, islamaphobic, etc. I don’t need to put up with that and no one else should be forced to either.
It was my father, but it’s the same story. He never understood why i never wanted to see him after my parents divorced, and i did not come to his funeral. He was much nicer to my little sister tho, she did not see what me and my brother had to endure years before, and so she is still angry years later that i skipped the funeral.
You’re not alone.
“Stop that, you could get hurt!”
“Ugh, just be on my side for once!”
Ahhh, yes. The Hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
Bad parents pointing at “screaming at your child regularly”:
Is this being strict?
has depression
Parents: “I guess we weren’t strict enough, now you are a loser that goes to doctors and dependent on pills”
My parents were physical with me early in life until they felt they could talk it out. My family always put restrictions on things and I didn’t really have input into things while I was there, my adult relationship was largely listening to them complain about their health, dodge political conversations and really never got to input anything into a conversation. If I did mention something they treated it as an ask for guidance and not just something to talk about. My parents never knew the real me that they developed. Thankfully I diverged after I left home as their politics are ghastly
Probably the first time I have seen someone else start a conversation about it, instead of me doing and people feeling comfortable enough to join in with their two cents.
Abusive parents the second you defend yourself effectively: “I didn’t know you had teeth, sorry for biting you.”
Being a parent is maddening. You think you’d do better with your own children until you experience the 24/7/365 stress that children inherently bring upon their parents. Few people escape childhood undamaged. Life has never been easy or perfect for anyone.
