Seriously you read about people who die young, and people always pretend to care after they are already dead like “omg, this is so sad, they could’ve acomplished so much, he had a bright future ahead of him! wHaT a tRaGeDy, iF oNlY wE cOuLd’vE FoRSeEn tHiS”…
why didn’t y’all do anything while they were still alive? hypocrites…
Calling someone a loser or saying they haven’t accomplished anything is a judgement on someone’s past and present self.
Talking about someone’s bright future is recognition of the fact that they had potential and opportunities that will never be realized.
If you’re thinking about suicide, please call 988 (USA) or an equivalent service in your country. I hope you get well soon.
The 988 where they trace your phone call and send armed thugs to your house so they can take you to a place you don’t wanna be?
Lol, nah, I’m good, I’d rather just rant online
What? Ok so I’ll ignore how ridiculous that is and just suggest another resource because talking about being depressed and how people will remember you or not in the same sentence is a big red flag for suicidal thoughts.
-crisis text line: text hello to 741741
Think you just pinpointed a major kink of your depression. Consumed by what others are thinking, even though that’s their problem and not your’s. I’m sure there’s more, but I wouldn’t be consumed about how you appear to others unless you want to live for everyone else’s ideals and the expectations rather than your own.
Disassociating from that and reclaiming my life was a huge step forward in my depression and anxiety. I think that’s one of the most common mental health pitfalls to not realise you’ve fallen into.
If everyone decides to hate you and treat you like you’re contagious for having depression because mental health stigma has come back with a vengeance over the past five years, then that absolutely is your problem.
If you can’t land a job because potential employers always ask about that gap in your resume that you can’t explain cause you were too depressed to function, that’s definitely your problem too.
I’m sick of this “Oh just stop caring what other people think of you, it’ll be fine.” It’s no better than saying “Why are you depressed? Your life is fine. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get out of bed, take a shower, eat healthier, get some exercise, find a hobby, go out and meet people, make friends, yadda yadda yadda.”
It puts the impetus on the person suffering from depression to somehow magically bootstrap their way back to perfect mental health by some imaginary force of will as if it were as simple as flipping a light switch, when for many people with depression the reality is that they’ve tried all things and can’t manage to do them with any consistency, the depression itself makes them infinitely harder, and often some of these options simply aren’t on the table (like “making friends” in a word that’s collectively allergic to depressed people). If you cant remember the last time you were genuinely happy, because you were basically a young kid at that time, then your physical brain has developed in ways that leave it deficient in the structures and functions that produce the experience of happiness.
What is so hard to understand about that?
I always see this argument and think ‘you’re just backing yourself into a corner’.
You seem absolutely sure what the solution isn’t, do you know what the solution is?
Is anyone who’s backed into a corner there because they backed themselves into it? Cause that seems concerningly adjacent to victim-blaming mentality.
We don’t do it for abuse victims, we don’t do it for people in poverty, and we don’t do it for people with chronic (physical) illnesses or permanent injuries. So why is it okay to do it for people with depression?
I think that’s the spirit of this post.
And just because I don’t have a viable miracle solution doesn’t mean I can’t tell you what doesn’t work. That’s a silly notion. If the solution is so simple, I wouldn’t have been suffering from depression for so long.
People like you seem to believe we choose to be depressed, because why? You think we just like the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness? You think we enjoy constant despair and don’t ever want to be lifted out of it?
Yeah yeah mate.
I’ve suffered depression on and off for my whole life. Ain’t no one going to get me out of this but me and when I am eating well, exercising, working a job I don’t dislike and being social, I am happiest and my depression is quietest. It’s hard to keep it constant but I don’t post shit on social media making never ending excuses and essentially treating mental health like terminal cancer.
My entire point is your post is supposed to relate to depressed people and you’re essentially telling people who have little to no will power depending on the time of day that everything is useless and nothing helps. I truly don’t understand the point of it…
Is anyone who’s backed into a corner there because they backed themselves into it?
Yes. The corner doesn’t actually exist. A big mental hurdle is realising there’s nothing stopping someone from doing whatever they want. We have social contracts, but they’re also a part of the problem if taken too seriously.
I frequently remind myself, “If I were born the only human on earth, knowing none of this, what would I be doing right now?” and I aspire to be that person, because that’s the true me.
99% of people’s “life problems” are rooted in other people existing. Others are not to blame, of course, but it’s just something to be aware of when taking care of one’s mental health. The corner only exists and feeds on acknowledgment.
I think that’s one of the key things that makes folk generally feel happier when they’re older. I’m 48 and have never been so comfortable in my own skin, despite naturally being less physically healthy and attractive than in my teens.
I used to care so much about what peers thought, but now I’ve lived long enough to realise how few of the people I was worried about pleasing are still in my life and how unimportant they are as the journey of life plays out.
If I’d have known this in my teens I’d have been way happier. You just have to treat people well and, where it’s not reciprocated, forget about them and move on.
For me its not so much that, its moreso just that I am disgusted by those that claim to be virtuous and pretend to care. Most people only care about others socially, when those people are struggling they rarely help unless theres social consequences for not helping.
I just hate hypocrites
When there’s a big, performative event for Suicide Prevention Month, everyone turns out and it’s a big thing with mock sympathy and moral pedestal standing. Everyone tosses around mottos like “seeking help isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength” and whatnot.
But when you personally struggle with suicidal ideations, even during Suicide Prevention Month, and you try mentioning it anywhere, everyone shrieks and treats you like an asshole, and then nobody comes near you for the rest of your life…
At first I didn’t like your comment because I think strangers on the internet should not be getting into others’ heads, naming stuff.
OP’s title might have been hypotheticalBut the second paragraph is on-point. I stopped having my issues once I let me to take part in my life
Aye. Internet comments are usually opinion vs opinion; worrying about the thoughts of others first, knowing there’s a conflict to “win” rather than ponder.
Online commentary is usually people never making it past the preface before slamming the book. That’s why news article titles are how they are; few people actually open and read the article.
Experiences be experiences, though. I could well be wrong, but the worst that happens is my advice was irrelevant. I’d be silly to not try help.
My kudos to you for keeping it real and listening to the whole song 🙂
Edit; Sorry, I rambled. In my defence I’m drunk because a bunch of my family died this week. Dunno why I’m saying this, but I guess that’s the ramble. Thanks for listening.
While people are alive, their accomplishments are always being compared to expectations; but if they die before accomplishing anything, the expectations are all that’s left.
Wow, showerthought #2
Makes me wonder what I would be called if I died in a car crash at my current age of 40 🤔
“That maniac just drove through the mall and took out Santa and 3 of his elves before crashing into the Spencer’s Gifts and exploding!”
“It’s a Christmas miracle he survived!”
It’s nice to say nice things about people who’ve passed away.
Like if someone in their 20s passes away, and you’re at their wake after the funeral, you’re not going to say “well I kind of always just tolerated him but he was never going to amount to much and I didn’t really like him”.
Idk when my brother shot himself I would gladly have told the whole church about the time he was swerving while drunk driving and laughing at me for being scared at like 13 years old or the time he held me over the edge of a cliff. The pastor took me for a walk and let me rant at him instead. Great dude actually he was a dead ringer for Fred Rogers in appearance, personality, and profession.
Sure but both you and that pastor clearly understand why saying that to the whole church would not have served any purpose and made you look like an asshole, right?
I thought that was the obvious subtext of the statement but apparently did not adequately account for variations in reading comprehension.
LOL. No is not that obvious.
Me: “Saying mean things about dead people makes you an asshole”
You: “Yeah well my dead brother was an asshole”
Comprehension indeed.
It’s nice to say things about people who have passed away
eh some people are abusive assholes who deserve to be remembered for it but sometimes a positive adult authority figure can help you process it in a healthier and more socially acceptable way that doesn’t piss the rest of the family off so you can make the informed decision to cut them all off as an adult after they’re done paying for your college. Eventually someone will have to step up and be the family asshole who says the ugly shit that needs to be said, but it’s not a responsibility that should be placed on a 16y/o.
Starting the comment with idk implies that you are starting a counter argument. As in, I don’t know if that’s true…
lol you really tryna introduce debate etiquette to the comments section when
youthey also answered “but you…clearly…right?” implying certainty that I did, whichyouthey were correct about. And now you also somehow wanna continue after someone alreadytold you yousaid they were right by asking if internet slang is a form of textual chironomia.That wasn’t me. I’m a third party who read the conversation between the two of you and decided that your extra snark was uncalled for.
“He was gonna feel stuck at a dead-end job, burn out in a few years, get hooked on drugs or alcohol or netflix to distract him from the pain of a mediocre existence, and ultimately settle for a life that is much less than the one he dreamed of as a child, just like the rest of us.”
“DON’T SAY THAT, HE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!!”
Correct. Like what the fuck are people supposed to say? Talk about his search history?
No, you’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead. Doesn’t mean you have to make shit up. I didn’t say a word at my father’s funeral.
I didn’t say it’s mandatory to say nice things about people who have died.
I’m sorry your dad was shit.
The only way to get respect from the monkeys while you’re alive is by generating bananas. Lots of bananas.
Look. This is politeness. This is slightly different, but kinda related… I’m a teacher. If a kid got bad grades, obviously he did, the parents will see that. In my written comment, should I say he was a slacker? No. Why bother. Better to express hope for what he can do well in the future.
The same information is conveyed, but the respect shown to the person is different.
As a former public schools facilitator & FB coach, & posted a very unpopular thread that asked a feed asking them to use Challenges, instead Disabilities, I understand where you are coming from, but I agree with both points. I am student(s) died, than you are right, but I think the thread starting member is talking media that truly will never know young person (people) who has died. & only doing it for profits, thus will never care to.
Stop giving a shit what others think about you and just live how you want. You’ll be surprised how much happier you are and how little opinions of people matter.
A lot of people struggle with depression, but like most things in life, the key is practice. Just keep it up, don’t get discouraged! One day you will be great at depression.
So great at depression, you um… die by big sad
Mostly true but one thing is wrong, no one is ostracizing you. Most people don’t think about anyone other than themselves.
People just say that to make themselves feel better. Or maybe they believe their “loser” friend would have one day come out of it.
If this is you, I highly recommend reading The Power of Now. Hugely helpful book thats not preaching or religious, it just focuses on how to live life in the now, which is how you achieve true peace and happiness. There is nothing but the now.
I read it a few times every year. Its been massively stress relieving.
Schrodinger’s potential
Hindsight is 20/20, even Van Gogh was totally ignored until after his tragic death.
Shot himself in the chest allegedly
Edited to correct my incorrect statement.
The moment they are struggling with depression I make out with them. How does that make me a hypocrite?
Often they’re sad he didn’t realize he had a bright future ahead. Fortunately, you do. Or if you didn’t, you do now. You can’t judge your life by how it is now. Especially with the world in shitty shape generally. But mostly because you’re young. Regrets for your wasted promise are a privilege reserved for old farts like myself. You still have choices to make, and time for them to play out. Choose as well as you can. And don’t be afraid to change directions as necessary.
