My Lemmy Oracle
  • Communities
  • Create Post
  • heart
    Support Lemmy
  • search
    Search
  • Login
  • Sign Up
cm0002@suppo.fi to Funny@sh.itjust.works · 1 day ago

How to tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber

suppo.fi

message-square
44
fedilink
683

How to tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber

suppo.fi

cm0002@suppo.fi to Funny@sh.itjust.works · 1 day ago
message-square
44
fedilink
alert-triangle
You must log in or register to comment.
  • Mechanism@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    6 hours ago

    Hey I got that right away! Am I smart? :o)

    • Arigion@feddit.org
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      54 minutes ago

      Yes, you are. And now stop scrolling and unclog my toilet.

  • VicksVaporBBQrub@sh.itjust.worksM
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    8
    ·
    13 hours ago

    1.25 gpa here. That joke required searches on my part. I’m 48-ish now. If you cold ask me how to reduce a chemical equation, I’m going to say, “turn the Bunsen burner down to low”.

  • HugeNerd@lemmy.ca
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    3
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    10 hours ago

    hyphen is your friend

  • Avicenna@programming.dev
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    5
    ·
    15 hours ago

    you can tell it verbally just pronounce it the way you think the other person would and watch for the reaction on their face when they get it

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    107
    ·
    1 day ago

    “What’s the difference between curtains and toilet paper?”

    “I dunno. What?”

    “SO IT WAS YOU!”

    • psycho_driver@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      23
      ·
      22 hours ago

      Twenty years ago I was at my sister-in-law’s house for a New Years Eve party and got blasted by doing a combo of tequila and gin shots. They packed me away into a tiny side room (it was like a 125 year old house) with no heat and no blankets and left me to pass out. At some point I figured out I was freezing to death so I guess I ripped the curtains down and rolled up into them. Then I puked. A lot. In the morning I was the meat in a puke burrito.

      • Lovable Sidekick@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        edit-2
        9 hours ago

        LOL one night after a party where a lot of people pretty much passed out, I woke up to just barely in time to stop my friend who was about to pee in the closet.

      • man_wtfhappenedtoyou@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        12 hours ago

        It’s amazing the things that trigger our memories sometimes.

      • justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        18 hours ago

        the meat in a puke burrito.

        glorious xD

  • hakase@lemmy.zip
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    73
    ·
    1 day ago

    My dumb ass pronouncing it “onionized” when I read it.

    • RogueBanana@piefed.zip
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      23
      ·
      1 day ago

      Must be a gardener then

      • Osprey@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        14
        ·
        1 day ago

        Or a cook.

        • Slovene85@sh.itjust.works
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          12 hours ago

          ONYO!

    • ryannathans@aussie.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      20
      ·
      1 day ago

      Mmmm tasty

      • justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        18 hours ago

        geez, i just thought you answered yourself. who took the avatar from whom here???

        • ryannathans@aussie.zone
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          12 hours ago

          https://trending.knowyourmeme.com/editorials/guides/why-is-everyone-making-clippy-their-profile-picture-the-clippy-cult-movement-against-tech-companies-explained

          • Cethin@lemmy.zip
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            2
            ·
            10 hours ago

            I think that’s not really as useful here though. Your position can be assumed just by being here.

  • Metostopholes@midwest.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    26
    ·
    1 day ago

    A while back I thought of a (much less clever) joke that only works in text:

    Do you know how hard it is to get an authentic French baguette around here?

    It’s a real pain!

    • LemmyFeed@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      11 hours ago

      I… don’t get it.

      • Carl@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        7 hours ago

        It is French for bread.

      • tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        edit-2
        7 hours ago

        Bread in French is “pain”

    • postman@literature.cafe
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      1 day ago

      Change it to “A real pain” without the “it’s”?

      • PrimeErective@startrek.website
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        18 hours ago

        Isn’t it because it’s pronounced “pan”?

        • postman@literature.cafe
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          2 hours ago

          Not because of the pronunciation, because of the grammar. For the pun to work, it has to be read both ways.

          So, how hard is it to find a French baguette? “A real pain,” i.e. a drag, indicating difficulty. Or else, “A real pain,” i.e. emphasising the genuine nature of the bread we want – this interpretation fails if preceded by “It’s”.

  • evidences@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    9
    ·
    1 day ago

    My personal version of this, since the Republicans always call themselves the party of Abe Lincoln I spent the entirety of Bidens presidency trying to get a get joke setup for why do the Republicans call themselves the party of A. Blinken referencing Bidens secretary of state. But this doesn’t work audibly in any way.

    • InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      17 hours ago

      A. Blinken

      Also the name of his band.

    • BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      12
      ·
      1 day ago

      They didn’t say “Abe Lincoln”, they said “Hey Blinken”.

      • evidences@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        10
        ·
        23 hours ago

        Master Robin! You lost your arms in battle! How terrible, but you great some nice boobs.

  • KurtVonnegut@mander.xyz
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    10
    ·
    1 day ago

    I get that chemists are concerned with the ionization of things, but what do plumbers have with unions and unionisation? Are they famous for that? Or do not get something else?

    • baguettefish@discuss.tchncs.de
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      39
      ·
      1 day ago

      all kinds of tradespeople are often in unions, or at least more often than for example white-collar workers

  • 0li0li@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    12
    ·
    1 day ago

    Quite good, wish it didn’t include the last comment below as it’s a pretty big hint.

    • venusaur@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      1
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      edit-2
      1 day ago

      Yeah. I was like, if you don’t get it from the second comment you’re just not gonna get it.

      EDIT: I was pretending to get it but I get it now and I guess the last comment is trolling?

      • Randomocity@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        16
        ·
        1 day ago

        How is the last comment trolling? How would you tell this joke verbally?

        • venusaur@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          21 hours ago

          Ah I was thinking no way to tell why it’s funny verbally

  • SourDrink @lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    8
    ·
    1 day ago

    Ununionionized

    • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      1 day ago

      Ionizing the union right out of it!

  • Hupf@feddit.org
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    2
    ·
    1 day ago

    https://youtu.be/EM1YYefSmKg

  • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    4
    arrow-down
    24
    ·
    1 day ago

    *orally.

    Text is still verbal.

    • ryannathans@aussie.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      30
      ·
      1 day ago

      👀

      • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        9
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        1 day ago

        Fair enough. I guess the meaning has drifted. There’s no arguing with the descriptive nature of language. Lexicons are pretty much just language censuses. That’s important because it’s how language works. At least the older meaning of “verbal” seems to be preserved in legal and clinical environments. I feel like it has a value.

        For example, if someone is making sounds with their mouth that are not words, it’s oral but not verbal (under the older usage).

        Sign language or text could be considered verbal but not oral.

        There’s value in having a word that encompasses both written and spoken words.

        https://brians.wsu.edu/2016/05/19/oral-verbal/

        http://cooley.edu/blog/end-verbal-abuse?hs_amp=true

        https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/256370/what-is-the-difference-between-verbal-and-oral

        • stephen01king@piefed.zip
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          1 day ago

          Interesting, this is the second time today I learned a word that had an older usage that I first thought was wrongly used by someone. I just learnt that jury-rigged is the original term for jerry-rigged, and thought it was only used in the context of courts of law, but it turns out it originally referred to jury masts on sailing ships.

    • ORbituary@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      1 day ago

      Except no, it’s not.

    • deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      1 day ago

      I think it’s actually the other way around.

      E.g. oral history can still be written or recorded (audio or video).

Funny@sh.itjust.works

funny@sh.itjust.works

Subscribe from Remote Instance

Create a post
You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: [email protected]

General rules:

  • Be kind.
  • All posts must make an attempt to be funny.
  • Obey the general sh.itjust.works instance rules.
  • No politics or political figures. There are plenty of other politics communities to choose from.
  • Don’t post anything grotesque or potentially illegal. Examples include pornography, gore, animal cruelty, inappropriate jokes involving kids, etc.

Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.

Visibility: Public
globe

This community can be federated to other instances and be posted/commented in by their users.

  • 881 users / day
  • 1.75K users / week
  • 4.78K users / month
  • 13.3K users / 6 months
  • 1 local subscriber
  • 15.6K subscribers
  • 3.11K Posts
  • 59.8K Comments
  • Modlog
  • mods:
  • TheDude@sh.itjust.works
  • kersploosh@sh.itjust.works
  • example@reddthat.com
  • VicksVaporBBQrub@sh.itjust.works
  • BE: 0.19.5
  • Modlog
  • Instances
  • Docs
  • Code
  • join-lemmy.org