This is really a monumental societal change.
3rd spaces are nearly completely destroyed, and online seems to be the main option for ppl now.
Looks like a whale, mouth on the left
I’m not in the US but I met my wife online, as did a few of my friends. The overall process of finding someone compatible took years though and it wasn’t very much fun. It’s probably worse now that dating apps are actively invested in keeping you single and swiping.
Wow… what’s wild to me about this is around the time where “Through friends” and “Online” cross is when I was having a shit time with the dating sites of the time and my best friend introduced me to my partner. I guess I lucked out a bit there.
Side note, I’d be curious to see how this looks now, if there has been any rebound in post lock down times.
Curious which app though bc most of them just hit you with a wall of sorority girls. Like seriously I sat there on Hinge for an hour swiping left and it still had more. Bumble didn’t do that it immediately figured out who I like and I got a few dates off it, didn’t put a coin in the machine either. Still going out with someone I met off there. I didn’t even bother with these apps for years because they’re horrible but yeah that’s what worked for me. I forget which one of the apps isn’t owned by Match but the main ones are doing social experiments on people now or something.
They literally use an ELO system, by the way. Which is crazy. So if you swipe right on someone you are “challenging them” and you lose when they don’t want you, lowering your ELO score 💀. I don’t need to explain what they think a chess victory is in their ELO system. They’re US tech companies which means they get bored living in a money pit and do social darwinism for fun.
Met my wife 15 years ago on eHarmony. It was the only online service I know of that didn’t “just hit you with a wall of sorority girls”…
I have no idea if it’s at all like it was back then, but at the time it asked you a bunch of very detailed questions, and would lead you through an entire process of learning about potential matches before actually letting you communicate freely with them.
I know a few people who married off of that but they’re all Gen X and kind of unhappy. It works.
Married the person I met online. We are basically inseperable.
Online was good before every dating app became Tinder
Capitalist entshitiffication strikes again. The profit motive demands it
What the fuck. >60% of couples meet online? I am fucking cooked
I wonder how much is just a definitional conversion of ‘through friends’ to ‘online’ because friends are now online as well.
Would be interesting to see how these compare to the number of people who’s given up on meeting an SO and/or doesn’t have the time/energy to.
🤚
I’ve def met a few people like this. They have a few terrible dates on these sites, and it just stresses them out too much to even try again. Its really sad.
10 years of online dating, 6 dates out of it. As a well below average guy I just gave up
“a well below average guy” i think stuff like this is just made up, i dont believe in ratings and i dont think others should either tbh
I also believe in a classless society.
Idk comparisons are a thing that can be done and I’m objectively worse than most people in most categories (looks, intelligence, earning potential, education, interests, etc…) so I consider myself “well below average” especially since choosing a person to potentially date does involve comparing them to your other “options.”
since choosing a person to potentially date does involve comparing them to your other “options.”
i mean if you choose a partner like you would choose a car, then i guess it is like this
or actually even then it is not like this, like there is nothing objective for most categories.
like you list interests as below average, what is this even supposed to mean lmao or intelligence like how would you even know that and for earning potential, there are like a lot more poor people than rich, beeing poor is the normal one lol
even for education, like people can still know dtuff even if they dont go to university… Or know nothing if they went
what i am saying is this sounds more like you just beeing unhappy with yourself if anything. Or if you are happy, then you are probably just not a good match anyway for someone that is like looking for a car.
(Not OP)
I do get both your standpoints, its all subjective of course, so you can’t really be below average in interests or something like that, but you can definitely be below average in terms of commonalities with other people.I don’t know OP so I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or is indeed just unhappy with himself. But if your hobby is watching VR MyLittlePony porn you’re going to have a tougher time than if your hobby is cooking.
Same for weight, if you’re 200kg it’s going to be harder, especially on dating apps.
Money and intelligence I’m not so sure about, that probably matters less than he might think
Are you actually a below average guy, or do you just have below average pictures?
Good “candid”/fun/funny photos are huge for dating apps.
I’m below average in most ways not just as far as attraction goes, but yeah my photos are never that great because I’m not attractive at all. I have had candid ones and funny ones, but I never got much traction. I live in an overpopulated area so this buffet table is brimming with options. I’m just that odd pizza at the Chinese buffet where you wonder why it’s being served lol
idk about him but there has been roughly one photo taken of me in the last decade and it’s on my ID
Pro gamer move: don’t use your license photo for online dating. Unless it’s really funny then maybe.
Yeah honestly it sucks getting into it, but it’s a lot easier when you can recruit someone for help.
literally don’t know anybody in town, haven’t seen anyone else wear a mask in two years.
the sad part is, we have us oligarchs mediating it worldwide. not a good look.
and then they want us to reproduce 😂
we need to shut the internet down until we can figure out what the hell is going on
I sometimes wonder if its even possible to have any healthy online social network. We can try to build in things to make social media less addictive, and try to use less of the psychologically damaging things capitalist software companies build in… but at the end of the day an online group of friends can never sub for a real one.
That is true, a combination of both I think is the best. But, under Capitalism, the IRL experience is getting progressively worse and worse so people go into the Internet to escape that hell.
I predict that we’ll see a lot of people giving up on human relationship altogether with the advent of horny AI chatbots.
I’m married and almost ready to give up on human relationships outside of my partner and mom lol. Not really, but shit’s bleak even outside of dating…
The US is a giant experiment on just how atomized a human society can get before collapsing.
graph ending during covid lockdowns sure is a choice
Feel kinda lucky to have met my partner IRL now (though obviously that doesn’t make my relationship any better than those that meet online). It’s horribly depressing how reliant on online communities we’ve become, and how social gathering spaces and third places are eroding.
An additional hot take: online communities create weaker links than in-person communities. hear me out please
Not because the connections themselves are less strong, but because they don’t tie to any other connection. If I met someone in real life, chances are high they are going to meet my family and create connections with them too. On the other hand, if I met someone online, they would most likely not meet my partner and definitely not meet my broader family. What in real life could be a merging of social groups, and therefore a strengthening of everyone’s social nets becomes online the creation of a single link, that is therefore that much easier to break off.
There’s a few star trek episodes where they deal with characters who become addicted to either holodecks/holosuites, or games, but I guess it being a space-socialist-utopia of sorts, they give people enough 3rd spaces and community gatherings, so that its rare to find people who completely retreat from real life, and usually a sign of some mental affliction or trauma.
At least right now, I don’t see the US recovering from this… 3rd spaces might pop up here and there, but they’ll be increasingly rare, and against the trend of overall social isolation.
When I was in college, the local indie tea/coffee shop was really nice. But then staryucks moved in a block or so over and they tanked. The nearest indie coffee shop recently was about 30? miles away and run by immigrants. There’s no public transit, so I have no idea if they’re still open, but I suspect not, since our local population is all but non-existent, now.
Yea, this isn’t something I can see getting fixed under capitalism. I still hope that as imperialism crumbles and the treats slow down the US empire will have a revolution, but that’s not in the immediate future it seems.
Mfw people start romance in revo.
On a positive note, after my last (patriarchal adhering) ex and I split up, several of my sisters around me started splitting up with their own. With the exception of one, we’re still single. It’s just not worth the bangmaid therapist and other abusive, exploitative crap that goes with.
Happy things are looking better for y’all!
right… I can’t meet anyone for the life of me and be damned if I give a rats ass about even attempting to meet someone online. it’s a ceaspool of distrust, lies and fake garbage online. not a good way to meet anyone tbh…
Hopefully third spaces make a strong comeback, which would be far easier in socialism.
I just want somewhere that I can put my personal wall down again. that won’t happen on the internet where I won’t ever know the recipient in a trustworthy way.
That’s fair! I’ve found organizing work to be a good way to connect with people IRL, maybe do something similar? A hobbyist group, maybe?
I think I should volunteer… I’m only happy when doing for others. I always disregard myself and when there’s no others, I suffer.
thank you.
That sounds great for you! There are a lot of cool orgs or charities that would love to have more help!
