My Lemmy Oracle
  • Communities
  • Create Post
  • heart
    Support Lemmy
  • search
    Search
  • Login
  • Sign Up
The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Humor@lemmy.worldEnglish · 5 months ago

Ready for Friday night

lemmy.world

message-square
97
fedilink
568

Ready for Friday night

lemmy.world

The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Humor@lemmy.worldEnglish · 5 months ago
message-square
97
fedilink
alert-triangle
You must log in or register to comment.
  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    119
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    5 months ago

    PACE YOURSELF! 5 beers/hour

    Open bottle of tequila

    You’re not following the instructions!

    • peregrin5@piefed.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      42
      ·
      5 months ago

      you have to pregame at least enough to be able to talk to the girls and not just hide in a corner

      • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        12
        ·
        5 months ago

        My talking to girls level is two drinks past pushing rope territory.

        • Alaik@lemmy.zip
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          5
          ·
          5 months ago

          Damn man, that blows.

        • Sc00ter@lemmy.zip
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          5 months ago

          Thats unfortunate for you. Im sorry to hear that

    • NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      20
      ·
      5 months ago

      Tequila isn’t a beer, there were no rules stated about tequila, thus there are no rules against drinking tequila, it’s fair game.

    • Kanda@reddthat.com
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      13
      ·
      5 months ago

      It doesn’t limit tequilas/hr

    • Maalus@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      13
      ·
      5 months ago

      “Name: Michael” in case he isn’t following instructions.

  • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    71
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    5 months ago

    Holy shit, are we still on Grey’s Anatomy?

    • bobs_monkey@lemmy.zip
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      32
      ·
      5 months ago

      Is that show still going?

      • Kindness is Punk@lemmy.ca
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        47
        ·
        5 months ago

        it sure is! I proxy watch it by being in the same room as my wife!

        • bobs_monkey@lemmy.zip
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          21
          ·
          5 months ago

          Damn, that’s some longevity. Are any of the original cast still around?

          • trashcan@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            44
            ·
            edit-2
            5 months ago

            Looks like these three have held on.

            imdb screenshot showing Ellen Pompeo,
Chandra Wilson, and James Pickens Jr. have been in 448 episodes from 2005–present

            Can’t really blame them.

            • bobs_monkey@lemmy.zip
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              30
              ·
              5 months ago

              Hell yeah, that’s some job security lol

              • trashcan@sh.itjust.works
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                14
                ·
                5 months ago

                Plus for Pompeo, being the titular character means job security for a lot more than just her.

                @[email protected] does it seem like her heart is still in it?

                • Kindness is Punk@lemmy.ca
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  15
                  ·
                  5 months ago

                  Honestly yes but it seems like it might be one of those things where the cast is just fun to work with so everyone’s having a good time.

                • A Wild Mimic appears!@lemmy.dbzer0.com
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  3
                  ·
                  5 months ago

                  Wasn’t the title originally the book her mother wrote?

            • Fredselfish@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              7
              ·
              5 months ago

              Holy shit I haven’t watched that show since 2012. Crazy still on the air.

        • whoisearth@lemmy.ca
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          6
          ·
          5 months ago

          Oh man this is years ago but my ex used to watch it (may still no idea) and when that plotline with Katherine hegl and her ghost husband was happening I remember lifting my head from my laptop and going “wait what?!” And then laughing my ass off.

          • QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            11
            ·
            5 months ago

            Then you might have missed the show’s most unhinged moment where a gun hidden in a woman’s vaginal cavity goes off and shoots a patient.

            • whoisearth@lemmy.ca
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              7
              ·
              5 months ago

              You are not fucking serious.

              What kind of gun? Lol

              • QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                1
                ·
                5 months ago

                100% serious, gungina happens in s18 I think? it’s a pistol.

    • invertedspear@lemmy.zip
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      11
      ·
      edit-2
      5 months ago

      This has got to be at least a few years out of date. Kanye is on the avoid list, and he’s not really relevant lately. And that income in the finance field isn’t going to impress gold diggers. FNAF is a bit dated at this point too, isn’t it?

      • wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        21
        ·
        5 months ago

        I kind of love that Kanye had that breakdown where he released the Heil Hitler track and went to twitter posting all caps shit saying he was a nazi, and the internet’s collective reaction seems to have just kind of rolled their eyes and move on. Just pure apathy. It’s not shocking or contreversial, more “Yeah, we all figured that out ages ago. Fuck off.”

      • taiyang@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        5 months ago

        My college aged students are still pretty big on FNAF so probably not dated. Ye would be a terrible conversation starter by today’s standards, though, even more so than whenever this was made, lol. “So, how to you feel about Nazi sympathisers?”

      • LiveLM@lemmy.zip
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        5 months ago

        A new FNAF game released just a couple days ago, can you believe it?

      • QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        5 months ago

        FNAF has a new game and a collab with Dead by Daylight

  • Im_old@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    55
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    5 months ago

    Hum, 75-100k for a finance something isn’t a lot I think. I mean, I know this is a joke but that sounds wrong.

    On a side note, I’d love to talk about with him about all the points under “topic to avoid”!

    • Album@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      21
      ·
      5 months ago

      Depends on what in “finance” and where. Assuming not sales or trading the salaries come down quite a bit depending on job level.

      • NJSpradlin@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        8
        ·
        5 months ago

        deleted by creator

      • Drathro@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        5 months ago

        AND the workload goes up! The Financial Services industry sure is fun!

      • bobs_monkey@lemmy.zip
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        5 months ago

        That’s why it’s finance something

    • whoisearth@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      5 months ago

      I see you also like to poke the bear lol. Seriously with me no topic is off limit I’ll challenge every opinion someone has doesn’t mean I disagree with it.

      Also Boston Celtics are no? Because Boston is racist AF?

      • Im_old@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        5 months ago

        Arguing for the sole purpose of arguing. Are you an engineer by any chance 😅

        I don’t even know what kind of sport the Celtics are a team of. Doesn’t mean I could not at least listen.

        • whoisearth@lemmy.ca
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          5 months ago

          Nope just the ADD.

          Celtics are basketball and my first love of a team before Toronto got The Raptors. That said their fambase is kinda toxic.

  • Gork@sopuli.xyz
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    37
    ·
    5 months ago

    I too sometimes forget my own name and work in something field.

    • jonathan7luke@lemmy.zip
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      5 months ago

      https://youtu.be/XLcswkROgx8

    • ameancow@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      5 months ago

      All fields can be “finance” depending on how you look at it.

    • burgerpocalyse@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      5 months ago

      https://youtu.be/fXpVEwEhamw

  • ExploitedAmerican@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    37
    ·
    5 months ago

    If you’ve heard about the “pip boy” you’re gonna love the new Incel-erator 5000

    • RagnarokOnline@programming.dev
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      5 months ago

      I believe it’s a playbook that NFL quarterbacks wear, but I like the Pipboy idea way better

  • [鳳凰院 凶真 Hououin Kyouma]|[alt: 黃家駒 Wong Ka Kui]@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    37
    arrow-down
    3
    ·
    edit-2
    4 months ago

    deleted by creator

    • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      20
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      5 months ago

      Imagine dating a conservative. Ew.

      • sandwich.make(bathing_in_bismuth)@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        arrow-down
        23
        ·
        5 months ago

        Imagine dating and politics being such a polarizing dealbreaker you miss out on potential partners and good company

        • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          22
          arrow-down
          2
          ·
          5 months ago

          Not hard to imagine at all when we are talking about literal fascist supporters.

          • sandwich.make(bathing_in_bismuth)@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            9
            arrow-down
            3
            ·
            5 months ago

            If I lived in the US I might agree. Never met one.

            • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              8
              arrow-down
              1
              ·
              edit-2
              5 months ago

              Lucky you lol

              • sandwich.make(bathing_in_bismuth)@sh.itjust.works
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                4
                ·
                5 months ago

                Its difficult cause conservative in your country is much different then here in most European countries. Normally I’d kneejerk about auto conservative hate but our conservative is like left-middle democrat.

    • potoooooooo ☑️@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      13
      ·
      5 months ago

      YES:

      • You’re basically a centrist!
      • Both sides make some really good points.
      • Possible ice-breaker: “Have you noticed how nobody wants to work anymore?”
      • Possible ice-breaker: “Have you noticed we can’t joke about anything anymore?”
    • gmtom@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      10
      ·
      5 months ago

      Could also be a radical leftist, i know from the experience tslking about the opressive nsture of capitalism and how were brainwashed by the media into a consumerist lifestyle isnt something most baddies cinsider good first date talk.

      • Deathray5@lemmynsfw.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        5 months ago

        I’d marry but I’m a bit weird (Lemmy user and all)

      • Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        4 months ago

        if they don’t leap over the table to start sucking on your face when you talk about anarchism then they aren’t the one

  • bluesheep@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    31
    ·
    5 months ago

    pace yourself - 5 beers/hour

    Man’s going into the date at marathon pace

    • general_kitten@sopuli.xyz
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      14
      ·
      5 months ago

      but unlimited tequila judging by the picture

      • AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        6
        ·
        5 months ago

        With only 5 beers per hour, he’s obviously going to be thirsty.

  • Taleya@aussie.zone
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    23
    ·
    5 months ago

    Bud, fuck that come get shitfaced with me and nerd about about the Titanic

    • ameancow@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      5 months ago

      I couldn’t possibly spend a moment with a woman who couldn’t talk with me about historical disasters.

      I held to my values and wanted good things for myself and that’s what I got.

      • Taleya@aussie.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        5 months ago

        Ayup. Autistic abrasive af here, never made any attempt to change or hide who i am. Been happily married 20 years

        • ameancow@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          5 months ago

          Major congratulations. I despair seeing so many people who ostensibly want the same things and yet live in constant stress for living up to some imagined image of what’s “normal” or “proper” for a relationship.

          People tend to argue for why they’re lonely so impassionately that you start to realize that loneliness and hopelessness is what they actually want on some level because it’s more comfortable than the challenges of sharing your actual life with someone, and their brains are just inventing stories for why they can’t find a partner who they can be friends with and enjoy things together.

          We have entire industries of scammers on social media pushing videos that serve only to feed this insecurity and avoidance and it’s making everything so much worse. I’m very glad I’m not part of the modern dating world because I’ve known what I’ve wanted since the beginning.

          • Taleya@aussie.zone
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            ·
            5 months ago

            I know so many people who are in unhappy relationships because they’re following a scrupt.

            I also know a great many who have wiped their arse with it.

            Best thing you can be is yourself, ya got no other fucking choice anyway

    • Agent641@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      5 months ago

      Something something Rockerfeller

      • Taleya@aussie.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        5 months ago

        Every time we launch a titanic a buncha rich cunts die.

        We need a fleet

  • theUwUhugger@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    24
    arrow-down
    3
    ·
    5 months ago

    Thats why you go for femboys! He is a bro with a hole!!!

    • ☂️-@lemmy.ml
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      19
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      edit-2
      5 months ago

      .

      • theUwUhugger@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        5 months ago

        I guess? But I am personally not gay

        • socsa@piefed.social
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          18
          ·
          5 months ago

          Not with that attitude

        • BigBananaDealer@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          7
          ·
          5 months ago

          just focus on the fem aspects then youll be fine 👍

      • theUwUhugger@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        5 months ago

        deleted by creator

  • Dr_Box@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    21
    ·
    5 months ago

    Checks notes

  • emeralddawn45@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    20
    arrow-down
    4
    ·
    5 months ago

    I assumed this was a cheat sheet with the dating profile of someone they were meeting from online dating, but judging by the comments i misinterpreted. Why would someone need a cheat shret with their own name and not know what their own job is?

    • Ephera@lemmy.ml
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      24
      ·
      5 months ago

      My interpretation is that they’re bad at smalltalk and will forget basic facts about themselves. It would fit in with them needing a list of smalltalk topics to choose/avoid…

    • Obi@sopuli.xyz
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      22
      ·
      5 months ago

      Because it’s their catfish identity I guess.

    • Empricorn@feddit.nl
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      5 months ago
      • “Finance something”
      • variable income

      I know it’s a joke, but he’s lying to get laid.

    • Deathray5@lemmynsfw.com
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      5 months ago

      5 beers a day

  • Lovable Sidekick@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    16
    ·
    edit-2
    5 months ago

    Yeah… those old hippies with their “be yourself” and “let it all hang out” - clearly the key to life is to wear a mask. Such enlighten. So fulfillment.

    • nexguy@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      5 months ago

      You can be yourself without a deluge of your own interests flooding the conversation. Unless being yourself of taking only about yourself and no listening. In that case mask on.

  • Wilco@lemmy.zip
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    10
    ·
    5 months ago

    This made me Google Coleen Hoover to find out what she does and I still dont know what she does. Something to do with flowery pastel book covers.

  • Emerald (she/her)@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    11
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    5 months ago

    No politics unless feminist?

    • mholiv@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      15
      ·
      5 months ago

      It’s a good rule for life. :)

  • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    10
    ·
    5 months ago

    Are people touchy about Tornadoes?

    • Madison420@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      10
      ·
      5 months ago

      Probably over overly enthusiastic which can be a bad thing in the Midwest during tornado season.

      • GreenKnight23@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        12
        arrow-down
        2
        ·
        5 months ago

        Midwest here.

        a tornado once broke into my house and raped my cat. this is why when I see one of those sumbitches I shoot at it.

        the only good tornado is a dead tornado.

        • Madison420@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          5 months ago

          I mean like storm chasers.

          • GreenKnight23@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            ·
            5 months ago

            like riders on the storm?

    • MNByChoice@midwest.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      5 months ago

      Not the “getting laid” vibe.

Humor@lemmy.world

humor@lemmy.world

Subscribe from Remote Instance

Create a post
You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: [email protected]

“Laugh-a-Palooza: Unleash Your Inner Chuckle!”

Rules


Read Full Rules Here!


Rule 1: Keep it light-hearted. This community is dedicated to humor and laughter, so let’s keep the tone light and positive.


Rule 2: Respectful Engagement. Keep it civil!


Rule 3: No spamming! AI slop will be considered spam at the discretion of moderators


Rule 4: No explicit or NSFW content.


Rule 5: Stay on topic. Keep your posts relevant to humor-related topics.


Rule 6: Moderators Discretion. The moderators retain the right to remove any content, ban users/bots if deemed necessary.


Please report any violation of rules!


Warning: Strict compliance with all the rules is imperative. Failure to read and adhere to them will not be tolerated. Violations may result in immediate removal of your content and a permanent ban from the community.


We retain the discretion to modify the rules as we deem necessary.


Visibility: Public
globe

This community can be federated to other instances and be posted/commented in by their users.

  • 21 users / day
  • 1.09K users / week
  • 2.58K users / month
  • 6.48K users / 6 months
  • 1 local subscriber
  • 8.95K subscribers
  • 480 Posts
  • 7.09K Comments
  • Modlog
  • mods:
  • sabbah@lemmy.world
  • AradFort@lemmy.world
  • 🇰 🔵 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 ℹ️@lemmy.world
  • Tenthrow@lemmy.world
  • BE: 0.19.5
  • Modlog
  • Instances
  • Docs
  • Code
  • join-lemmy.org