cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/5783888
yesterday I was wondering how 60 year old Deen Cane got a job with ICE.
Asked n answered.
It shouldn’t be that hard for them to find 10,000 jackasses.
cross-posted from: https://ibbit.at/post/21406
Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is apparently so desperate for staff that they are abolishing the agency’s age restrictions to allow any adult to apply to join the force.
On Wednesday, ICE announced that it would do away with its prior requirements that job applicants be at least 21 years old, no older than 37 to be considered for a criminal investigator role, and no older than 40 to be eligible to be a deportation officer, with few exceptions.
“In the wake of Biden’s open borders disaster, our country needs dedicated Americans to join ICE to remove the worst of the worst out of our country,” the agency’s announcement reads, under an Uncle Sam recruitment photo. In a social media post touting the change, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) wrote: “We’re taking father/son bonding to a whole new level,” alongside an illustration of both a younger and older man in camouflage tactical gear.
Recruits will still need to be at least 18 and go through medical and drug tests, and complete a physical fitness test. The Wednesday announcement also reiterated a slate of perks available to new ICE employees, including a signing bonus of up to $50,000, student loan repayment and forgiveness options, and “enhanced retirement benefits” after the passage of Trump’s so-called Big Beautiful Bill. The legislation allocated funding to hire 10,000 new ICE agents to join the 20,000 currently on staff to help meet the agency’s deportation goals.
The move to eliminate the age restriction comes as the Trump administration scrambles to fulfill his campaign promise to carry outmass deportations—specifically, a goal of one million deportations per year, according to an April report in the Washington Post. So far, the administration appears to have fallen far below that goal: Since February, the administration has deported an average of about 14,700 people per month, according to an NBC News report published last month. The administration’s efforts to bolster those numbers have included reviving old cases focused on immigrants who have since become citizens or died.
But reports suggest the sky-high deportation quota, coupled with the administration’s general inhumanity when it comes to the treatment of immigrants, has left morale within the agency plummeting. And while DHS Secretary Kristi Noem boasts about a recent surge in applications, related moves within ICE, including the agency reportedly forcibly poaching employees from across the federal government and other law enforcement agencies, appear to contradict those claims. The American Prospect reported on Wednesday, for example, that probationary Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) employees—those with under a year of service—were being reassigned to ICE or threatened with losing their jobs if they did not accept. A DHS spokesperson told the Prospect that the FEMA employees were being temporarily moved to work with ICE for 90 days, “to assist with hiring and vetting,” and claimed that the moves “will NOT disrupt FEMA’s critical operations.”
So will the elimination of the age limit make any difference? Time will tell, though Trump’s prior promises of a massive hiring spree for ICE and Border Patrol agents during his first term did not come to fruition. So far, though, the change has led to at least one newrecruit: 59-year-old former Superman actor Dean Cain.
From Mother Jones via this RSS feed
If anyone I know ever joins ICE, I’ll never forgive them. Family, friends, acquaintance… They’ll be dead to me.
I think we actually need good people to join, and do literally everything they can to get in the way, slow down, and otherwise render the efforts completely worthless.
In a social media post touting the change, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) wrote: “We’re taking father/son bonding to a whole new level,” alongside an illustration of both a younger and older man in camouflage tactical gear.
Pathetic.
Daddies, bring your twink
No age limits buys you a couple more years before the inevitable twink death
Not just pathetic; it’s also incredibly bigoted. Advertise as family bonding a job that often – most of the time? – is about ripping families apart… jfc
Just appealing to the white supremcist dream.
For the white supremacists that will join up for this, it’s a perk. Hate breeds pretty damn true when you live, breathe, eat, and sleep it.
And the job training is watching 2 recent Stephen Segal movies.
Americans love their camoflauge and tactical gear. Two entirely impractical things in 99% of situations, but deep down boys love to play dress-ups.
The father/son thing makes it extra cute but there’s cooler things to bond over.
cooler things to bond over
parents and children should practice woodworking by building a guillotine together! It’s a fun hobby project that builds practical skills and hell you might even toss in a history lesson or two!
…but also, teach them about The Committee of Public Safety and how liberation can become a reign of terror.
I went to a (rock) concert the other night and saw some cool parents bringing their adolescent kids. I thought that was pretty cool.
Join them and be the most incompetent person ever. Get paid and sabotage them. Its a win-win.
To be frank, that is pretty hard to do, you’d have a lot of competition
How many times you think I could “accidentally” shoot a teammate in the head before they move me to a desk job?
I couldn’t do it. I’d be this guy every time.
You’re right, I should be going for butt cheeks and kneecaps
What is stopping someone from signing on, getting the bonus, and then just sitting on their ass?
Having to report that you work for ICE. 🤢
You just wear a mask and don’t tell anyone. It’s what all the rest are doing. If they’re desperate for employees it seems like a good opportunity for a bit of subversion.
proud boys and klansmen are already used to wearing masks.
I mean, if the intention is to get the money and run, you don’t really need to put it on your resume, right?
They All pile in the back of a rented truck. Next stop… Bfe? Death valley? Nearest lake? Take a cloverleaf ramp too fast and roll it?
I expect the signing bonus has a clawback or isn’t paid until some vesting period. I wonder how long you can sit on your ass at $10k/month before the government bureaucracy gets around to firing you.
With as bloated and chaotic as the administration is, I’m sure there are plenty of people already doing that. Take any of the doge chronies, I’m sure they are collecting a check and doing blow of hookers asses all day.
or at least until the next furlough.
Only paid to people who sign multiple year contracts and forfeited if employment ends early. It’s a scam.
So you sit on your ass till the contract is up. They won’t fire you, they need the number to look good and project power.
You’ll owe $50k to the world’s most powerful terrorist organization.
You do you, buddy lol.
When has Trump ever paid one of his employees?
You should do that. Who cares if you get fired. Waste their time.
Can we also file for unemployment if they fire us?
That’s probably why they have the quotas
Well I am waiting for someone here to apply and report back. Also you aren’t getting that bonus unless you met a threshold of kidnapping some many people. And I doubt any new hires will get to just sit on their ass without having you in the field stripping people or their rights. So someone go apply and report back on how this works. Shit load of article about this but no details on how y I you get the bonus or how any of this works.
Maybe the peer pressure from your co workers, who will give you a bad time for not being a team player?
Better/alternative link from absentbird: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/26184/26184-h/26184-h.htm
Just gonna drop this here
Tap for spoiler
It’s a 1944 CIA manual sent to civilians in occupied territory to show how to be as useless (sabotaging and the like) as possible to the occupying nazis
Better/alternative link: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/26184/26184-h/26184-h.htm
Just going to copy and paste that into my original comment if that is fine
deleted by creator
CIA website
Here you go, HTML version from Project Gutenberg: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/26184/26184-h/26184-h.htm
you the real MVP
It’s a 1944 CIA manual sent to civilians in occupied territory to show how to be as useless as possible to the occupying nazis
Then maybe mirror it somewhere that isn’t directly adding me to a CIA server log if I, someone not in 1944, click it. I think it’s safe to assume nobody clicking that link is in the original intended target demographic, so repeating what that demographic was misses the point.
not only that but PDFs can be a malware vector, and the CIA doesn’t have a great track record. Trustworthy isn’t a term I would use when describing them.
Honestly, if you’re an American with no interest in a federal career, fuck it.
Sign up and be dead weight. If you get sent to a camp do what you can to mitigate it.
It’s either that or some evil asshole takes the money.
Gonna get real hairy explaining my resume gap afterwards
Just a brief stint saving America, that’s all
It should not be too hard to find qualified people in the long term. They’re desperate because they can’t find people fast enough. A few weeks ago ICE got a huge budget upgrade, this means the plan is to expand, fast. Read Project 2025, it’s all there.
I think everyone should start sending in resumes and just flood their system.
100,000 AI generated resumes a day, every day, from all over the country.
Use that piece of shit tool against them
I said this on another post about this, but there are no age restrictions except to be over 18. Picture grandpa being trained next to someone just out of high school (if that is even required). Those trainers are going to be telling grandpa not to drool next to an 18 year old being told to do 100 push ups. Someone has to get video of the training portion.
I think you overestimate the quality of the training ICE agents will get. If gramps and his 19 yo grandson are in the same bootcamp, my guess is the only thing they’ll be taught is how to operate a gun, put handcuffs and follow orders.
The beach towns near me hire summer cops that have lesser training and gear. Some don’t have firearms. They’re widely considered to be the worst power trippers and all around dickheads. I remember a teenage girl getting tased by one for refusing to provide ID for having alcohol. The poor girl kept repeatedly saying it was her mom’s who was going to the bathroom.
Sounds like calling up a private military force.
Kinda sad, really. Your whole job is tearing families apart and eventually dodging bullets from US citizens.
The latest South Park episode nailed it
Meal Team Six shows up but are un-employable. Like Mr Mackey. Mmmm kaaay!
Papers please